


Not Strong Enough to Stay Away

by Niimas



Category: Jacksepticeye- Fandom, Markiplier- Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, youtube- fandom
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, I have no idea what I'm doing, Language, Mark Fischbach - Freeform, Markiplier - Freeform, Mental Abuse, Neglect, Reader-Insert, Sean McLoughlin - Freeform, Self-Insert, Tiny bit of Angst, jacksepticeye - Freeform, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:19:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niimas/pseuds/Niimas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark has been distant lately. He won't tell you why. In fact, you don't talk much at all. But what what happens his distance drives you into someone else's arms?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Distance

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is my first story, so I think I royally fucked up the tags. If ANYONE can help me, please do. I hope you enjoy :) Mark might seem a little OOC but in the end you'll understand. I know the title and the summary suck, but I had nothin'.

 

It was starting to become routine.

  
You'd sit there, your legs curled up to your chest, head laying on your knees, mindlessly flipping through the channels on the TV. Your right hand lightly pushed the up arrow on the remote, your left limp at your side. Your breath slowly slid out of your mouth, and you inhaled sharply through your nose as the noise increased from the the other room. A large bang, then muffled screaming. It was the usual, where even the sound proof room couldn't fully contain the explosive rage. Your nerves settled a bit from the scare, the noises turning back into the background as they did every night. The loudness didn't bother you anymore; you were sure you had gone partly deaf years ago.

  
The blue colors of the wall were deepening as the sun was settling down for the night, the TV light casting longer shadows over you. The cream of the couch blended into the gray of the dimmer light, while you traced nonsense patterns on the microfiber. The only unsure part of the night was just how long he'd be in there, how many videos he'd force himself to make. Lately he’d been making more and more, but his channel wasn't noticing any difference in content two videos still uploaded everyday. Your back was beginning to hurt, so you laid back, the TV light partly blinding you for a moment before you switched to yet another channel. There wasn't anything on that you really wanted to watch, nothing of merit to distance yourself from you thoughts. You didn't feel like getting up and doing any hobbies, didn't feel like sleeping. You were stuck in between, wanting to do something, but unable to. Your feet brushed against the coffee table and you slipped your feet into the lower opening.

The top of the table was littered with the remains of your dinner, which you ate by yourself and the latest book you had since abandoned. It really was interesting and normally would have easily captured your attention for hours. Only tonight, you had a different plan – a surprise. You had been reading it, skimming through the pages and stealing glances at the clock, counting down the minutes. Until the door handle jingled, a rush of hot air into the house and the sound of keys hitting the end table woke you out of your stupor. You sat bolt upright, rushing and almost tripping to reach the hallway, swinging around the corner, watching him turn to close the door. Your smile faltered at the expression on his face.

  
It was the same look he always had these days whenever he came home, a grim set to his lips and he wouldn't look at you in the eyes. His eyes skittered around the room, over you, like he wasn't expecting you to be standing there. Your hope bounced back as he approached you, his shirt brushing lightly against you as he leaned down.

  
Even when he dropped a swift kiss on your forehead, the passion wasn't there, the action habitual.

  
You tried to follow him as he toed his shoes off, rubbing the back of his neck as you chattered nervously, explaining that the surprise was cooking him dinner. You had the two seats spread out with his favorite. Yet he brushed it off, waving to you and explaining he had to get two more videos up for tomorrow. You shut your mouth with a snap. You knew he had recorded enough videos to last him into next month. Silently, you nodded your head. Not that he saw while he retreated into the room, closing the door. You heard the now familiar noise of the lock sliding into place, your eyes burning from unshed tears when you wiped at them furiously.

No. You weren't going to cry. Not again.

  
Eating in silence, you sat down on the couch, ending up in the position you were now in. The leftovers were surely going stale in their pots, but your interest in putting away the spaghetti was minimal. It wasn't like he would eat the leftovers. They would just sit in the fridge until you brought them for lunch or grew fuzzy with mold. He was always eating out now. Once in awhile, you would smell him cooking late into the night as you curled up into your pillow on the cold bed, willing yourself not to cry at the fact that your food was right there. At first, it had been hard, the tears flowing hot down your cheeks, every day trying your best but getting nowhere. But after a while, after it had become normal for you. Your heart had become hardened, your fingers clenching into fists against it. You did, however, wander in there to blow out the candles, lest they started a fire in a house you didn't own.

  
You felt the same urge to cry again even as you tried to distance yourself from it now, squeezing your eyes shut tightly. You needed to get up, you needed to clean the kitchen and put away the food. But you knew if you looked at that food right now, it would cause the floodgates to open. You had tried so hard, seasoning it exactly as he had taught you, years ago now. Your thoughts stopped in their tracks for a moment as you dug deeper into the past.  
When was it? When was the last time you had sat down for a meal with him? When had you last gone on a date? When had you heard him say he loved you for the last time?

  
You took a deep breath, trying to breathe through the pain in your chest, lifting your arm to rub away the feeling. It didn't work. You even knew it wouldn't. Your heart still ached. Still deeply in love with him, it felt like there was nothing you could do. It wasn’t like he had done anything specifically horrible to break up. He hadn't cheated, hadn't beat you. It was just as if he had lost interest completely. You didn't know if that made it hurt worse...

  
Trying to get him to talk about it was impossible. He insisted nothing was wrong, and after every insistence of yours, he would pay attention again. Your heart would swell, hoping that it would last this time.

  
But it never did. It never lasted more than a few days.

  
The nights would become longer again, the bed growing colder and colder, as your texts were ignored again. The rest of his life wasn't suffering. His channel was hitting the twenty million mark now. The problem just seemed to be you. Had he grown tired of you? You hadn't changed…had you? Had he?

  
The questions were swirling around in your mind when the door to the studio opened a crack. It had a very distinctive whine when it was eased open, yet you stalled. Before, you would have jumped up at the chance, making your way to the door with a smile on your face just to gauge his mood, seeing if just maybe he needed a release of all that anger. It would almost always end in a sweaty pile, exhaustion mixing between you both. But considering you hadn't done anything but sleep in the same bed for more than three months now, you didn't move. Small sounds of shuffling and then silence, you held your breath, pretty sure he could still see you, even slumped on the couch. Your heart started to hammer in your chest, the hope eating at you, even though you know you shouldn't.

  
The silence reigned longer and you grew confused. Was he just standing there? Sitting up slowly, you turned towards the door to the recording studio to see-

Nothing.

  
The door was still slightly ajar but there was no one there, and you suddenly heard the slight jangle of keys at the front door. The sound of the door closing made you sit up further, the slam of a car door making you race to the window, slightly pulling back the curtain. Headlights partly lit up the room as the engine revved to life, the car slowly pulling out of the driveway. You watched it go, the hopelessness creeping up along your back, over your shoulders, and settling deep into your chest. You couldn't stop the tears from spilling out of your eyes, lower lip trembling like a child. He had to have seen you...

  
Maybe he thought you were asleep...?

  
Your voice betrayed you then, whispering out the name of the man you wanted so much, but who didn't seem to want you.

  
"Mark..."

  
Sniffling, you pressed your palms to your eyes, trying to block out the feelings creeping deeper into your heart. Retreating back to the couch, your shin bumped the coffee table, a hiss erupting from your mouth. You grabbed the offended leg, limping over to the couch. Staring down at it, the bruise started to form slowly, quickly be obscured by the tears gathering in your eyes. You returned to the knees up position, allowing yourself just one more night of emotion.

  
Only one more night, right?


	2. Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two: If you are actually reading this, I love you!

The phone was blinking a bright green into your eyes when you blearily opened them the next morning, eyes dry. The living room was just starting to show signs of the sun while it rose in the sky. It flooded the painted panes, casting green and blue squares along your body. You must have fallen asleep sometime after the third movie you played, something about a mouse, waiting on him to come home. You stretched, wincing as your muscles screamed at you for sleeping on the couch. Your neck was stiff from being propped up on the couch arm, even as you ran your hands over the tense muscles. Laying your feet on the hardwood floor, the cold rose up your nerves, and you wobbled to the window. The sun was blaring in your eyes when you looked out, seeing Mark's sleek black car gleaming in the driveway. He hadn’t bothered pulling into the garage; he must have gotten home rather late. You could never name the brand of car it was, even if you knew it was expensive. Maybe your job didn't give you as much of an income as his did, but you still loved it. Although it was a matter of tension with him, you had refused to let him just take care of you. But you weren't a leech on him like that.

  
Your heart was sinking in your chest. You had almost wished he was still out, but no, he had come right by you without saying a word. You let the curtain swing closed, biting your lip and returning to the couch. Sitting down with a plop your head fell on the back of the couch, starting up at the ceiling again. Your eyes cast down, noticing the food was turning hard and your phone was still screen up, the green light flashing every so often. It normally meant you had a message, but you didn't know if you had the energy to read it right now. Running fingers through your hair, a yawn overtook you, still exhausted. You wanted to sleep more, except you didn't want to return to a bed with him right now. Remembering the times you had curled up with him on those perfect lazy mornings was too much right now. You only wanted to feel numb, and that was it.

  
Standing up straight, you wound your way around the couch, your heart lurching when you passed the now-closed recording room. Trying to remain quiet, you turned the knob for the bathroom, slipping inside. The tile in here was even colder than the wood floor, waking you up a bit. The light was too bright for you at the moment, so you didn't bother with it, instead undressing in the small light peeking through the window above the shower curtain. Catching a look at you looked to the mirror and examined yourself, eyes roaming over your body. Letting your hands slide over your skin, you pinched parts here and there...you weren't bad looking. Sure, you had faults. A bit too much here, too little there...

  
But obviously there was something wrong if he didn't even care to sleep with you anymore. You began picking yourself apart. Your face, your body, your every flaw seemed to blow up, and you released a shaky breath, trying to calm your mind. Reaching into the shower you turned the knobs, waiting for the water to become acceptable. It was always a fine line.

  
The phone's light was beginning to bother you so you flicked the screen to life, proven right by the small box alert of a new message. The blue border was from Skype and you adjusted the water again as it loaded, the water almost ready. You had set the notification to not display who it was from after a couple of unpleasant experiences in the past. When it loaded fully your eyes widened at the name bolded in the box.

  
**JackJack:** Ello! Are you up yet? Got a surprise for you!

  
You couldn't help the small smile that graced your face. The loud Irishman was always happy at any hour of the day. You could just hear his accent through his typing, and seeing he sent it just thirty minutes ago, you felt you had enough time to respond. He might not be editing a video. If he was, you hoped he had his phone on silent this time.

  
You sent him the message of, " _Now I am_."

  
Reaching into the shower, the water hit your skin, and it was the right temperature for you to step in. Leaving you phone on the toilet lid like you normally did when talking to someone or listening to music, you stepped into the shower. The warm water hit your skin and you almost groaned, the warmth spreading and washing away the night away from your body. You would never admit you were hurrying instead of enjoying a drawn out experience, as you were initially leading towards. Your favorite shampoo slid through your hair, almost getting in your eyes. You swiped it away, huffing, and the body scrubs suds slapped the porcelain in thick globs.

  
...Maybe you had used too much, but the sweet smell made you a bit happier as it filled the bathroom. You pushed the knob a little further for more hot water as you contemplated staying in for a bit, but excitement was curling around you, breaking through your hardened composure. You wanted to know what Jack was talking about, even if it was some stupid little thing. You needed a little bit of happiness in your life at the moment.

  
Stepping out of the shower, the cold air hit your skin, causing a shiver before you wrapped the fluffy purple towel around yourself. Trying to resist the urge to look at the message – the phone was flashing green again already – was futile. For when you picked up a brush to run through your hair, your other hand picked up the phone.

  
**JackJack:** Took you long enough! Is Mark up too??

  
Your lips set in a line at his name, feeling some of the happiness leeched from you, and your fingers ghosted over the keyboard.

  
" _No, he had a late night_."

  
You put your phone down, running the brush through your hair, wincing at the tangles. You sometimes forget that the only reason you knew Jack, or even that he talked to you, was you were dating Mark. If you weren't you would be one of those many fangirls giggling madly at just his videos. Still, you paused to look in the mirror again, your eyes staring back at you.

  
It was nice to have this. You knew such wonderful people thanks to another random occurrence. Before you could think more on it, your phone lit up again. This time you caught the bubble before it faded away.

  
**JackJack:** Aw, well okay, I guess I'll tell him later! I'm coming to L.A next week! I got the email! :D

  
Your heart skipped a beat, your breath catching in your throat, a smile spreading on your face. Jack had been waiting for this email for months now, a chance to be on a TV show re-airing this fall. It was interviewing the famous people of the internet, filming in LA since last year. You didn't quite understand how it was different from getting interviewed on another's channel, but you supposed the wider audience had something to do with it. Mark had gotten the chance to be in it, an earlier episode for comedy, and Jack would be getting the same treatment. It was a very popular show and had already skyrocketed Mark's channel; you couldn't imagine what it would do to Jack's. He had been talking about it for weeks, it was unknown if he was more excited about coming to L.A or the show. " _That's awesome! I can't wait to see you! I'm so happy for you_!”

  
The chilled air was beginning to get to you, and it was then you realized you left clean clothes tucked away in your dresser drawer. Keeping the towel tightly around you, you crept into the room, your hair dripping rivulets of water down your back. For once, you were hoping he was still asleep. You didn't want the little bubble of happiness you had to be burst by the man you loved. When you opened the door, it was still dark in the room, the blackout curtains he had installed a couple of months ago blocking any sort of light. Looking harder at the bed, you didn't notice a telltale lump in the bed. He wasn’t there.

You blinked, sure that your eyes were playing tricks on you, but there wasn't even a wagging tail to greet you. His car was in the driveway, right? You weren’t dreaming that.

  
You worried your bottom lip, turning on the light to see, rummaging through the drawers. The top two drawers were yours on this side, holding your shorts and your nightshirts, the other drawers containing Mark's underwear and socks. Normally you would wear a shirt of Mark's...yet you didn't want to, you realized, even as you held one in your hand. It was older than the rest, one you loved seeing on him, a soft blue that he had well before he met you. It had a hole in the shoulder, but you stopped him before he could toss it. He'd smiled when you begged coyly for it, tugging it from his hands and slipping it on over your naked body. That shirt came off moments later.

  
Your mood dipped, and you snagged one of your own shirts out of the pile, a bit stiffer from not wearing it in a while. At least it was Saturday, so you only had to find a pair of shorts and an oversized T-shirt to wear around the house. Even if you didn't want to show your face outside. You looked to the bed once more. It called your name, while you were getting sleepier just looking at it. Your feet took the decision from you as they walked to the bed and you slipped in gratefully, the soft squish of the double quilt and soft sheets wonderful. You reached over, the charging cord where it always was, and when you plugged it in the light was already flashing green. Pulling the blanket over yourself, you figured that a few more hours couldn’t hurt, would they?

  
You flicked your phone screen again and clicked the download button to see the picture he had attached. When it opened, you couldn’t help but giggle. He’d sent you his face, close up to the camera and flashing a big toothy grin. His thumb was slightly blurry in the picture but you could tell he had the thumbs up sign in full swing. You were pretty sure that if you had been with him in that moment, you would feel him vibrating. He seemed to have a never-ending supply of energy. His blue eyes were electric, alight with mischief, and you’d never tell him he reminded you of a happy leprechaun. Maybe it was his green hair. He’d kept it that way for years, even after he hit fifteen million channel views. He’d asked the subs if they wanted another color, but they had all screamed out to keep it green. You were glad they said so, because he wouldn’t be Jack anymore without it. It matched him perfectly.

  
You thought about it for a moment, staring contently at the image on your screen, before exiting out and opening the camera app on your own phone. Yes, you were sure you looked like garbage, but what’s a shitty photo for showing your good friend how excited you were for him? You tried to angle the camera in a faltering pose, fixing pieces of your hair from flying away from your head. Once it got as good as you could get it, you snapped the picture, putting a few smilie faces on it in your app. You sent the picture, noticing the message that he had attached.

  
**JackJack:** I am so excited! See!?

  
Giggling once more, you waited for his response to the picture as you saved the one he had sent in your phone. Maybe you’d set it as his contact picture. It was really cute. The three dots appeared a few seconds later, dancing in their place as he typed.

  
**JackJack:** LOL! Thanks, love the bed head, I thought you were awake?!

  
You laughed at that one, lifting the sheet up to your nose in a nervous reaction, you wanted to hide, but he was so sweet. You snuggled deeper in the covers, your body finally starting to relax. You thought for a moment before typing, “ _I never said I’d be getting out of bed_." The dots that came in answer came faster this time, and you were sure you were going to get smartass response.

  
**JackJack:** Git yur lazzy ass outta bed!!!

  
You stifled your stream of laughter in the pillow. " _Make me_!” You quickly typed back, your eyes fluttering half closed. The dots where slower this time and stopped a few times, only to start over again.

  
**JackJack:** I would if I was there! I just might get you next week!

  
He’d sent another picture, this time of just his eyes in a mock furrowed expression. Clearly, he was trying to seem mad, but the spark in his eyes betrayed him. You were sure that less than a second after that picture was taken he had resumed smiling. You rolled your eyes. “ _Ahhhh, promises promises. What time do you think you’d be getting in_?”

  
The dots only stopped once for about five minutes this time and you almost fell asleep on him, but luckily, you had put on the sound. It dinged and you wearily looked at the screen.

  
**JackJack:** wELL, I JUST BOUGHT

  
**JackJack:** Sorry caps lock was on. I was trying to say I had just bought the plane ticket. I'll be leaving on Fri at 6am, a 11 hour flight to hit LAX. So I should be there at 7ish. Going to be jet lagged as a motherfucker.

  
You smiled sleepily, your finger fumbling over the letters. " _That's a long fucking plane trip. Hope you don't get too long layovers. Would you want to have dinner once yoou've rested abt_?’’ You saw your typos after it had already sent, hiding your face in the pillow, and waited for his response.

  
**JackJack:** Yah! That would be awesome! I never rest though! ~.`~

  
You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face if you tried, and shot back, " _liar I saw you sleep...once_!" The dots where lighting fast this time.

  
**JackJack:** THAT WAS A FLUKE! THE PICTURE WAS STAGED!!!!!!!!

  
Wincing without even hearing his voice, you wrote back, " _You're just mad I took a picture!_ "

  
**JackJack:** TRADEMARKED! LIKE A BOSS!

  
The last time he had been over it had been amazing. He had come directly from the airport, sitting on the same couch as you had last night, spewing obscenities at the game screen. It was one of the good days with Mark, all of you playing Mario Kart. A few minutes later, you had turned to tell the loud mouth something and he had been knocked out, sixty to zero in one sentence. His lashes lay along his cheeks, the circles under his eyes evident in his pale skin. You slowly reached into your pocket, trying not to alert Wade, Ken, and Pewds. Surely they'd make playful fun of him, even if he'd been up now for twenty-seven hours. You got the picture right before Wade had turned around, gasping at the sight. "THE MOTORMOUTH IS ASLEEP?!" Jack started, his body surging up and knocking into yours, and even as his hands wrapped around your upper arms to steady you he already yelling.

  
**JackJack:** I haven't slept in years :P Have you seen the bags under my eyes?

  
You sighed, shaking your head, " _Okay okay I understand he who doesn’t sleep_.”

  
**JackJack:** That was so lame xD

  
Sticking your tongue out, you quickly typed back, “ _Hush, I didn’t sleep too well last night, considering going back to sleep_.” Laying your head higher on the pillow, you placed the phone on your chest so if the noise didn’t wake you, the vibration would. For a moment, you thought he wouldn’t answer, your mind slowly drifting off into the fog of sleep.

  
**JackJack:** OH! Sorry, I didn’t think about that. I should have waited. Everything okay?

  
You tried to swallow beyond the lump that had formed in your throat, the emotion akin to relief and gratefulness. The fog lifted a bit, and you didn’t want him to worry more so you wrote him a quick dismissive statement. " _Everything is fine, just a little rocky atm_." You figured he'd drop it after that, as he normally did.

  
**JackJack:** Rocky? What's rocky? Do you want to talk about it?

  
You drummed your hand on the edge of the bed, you where just far enough in a state of sleepiness that you could very well spill everything. But Jack wasn't the one to spill it too. Jack was Mark's' best friend, and he already had so much to worry about. He didn't need anything you'd give him. “ _Just a little drama around here. It’s fine_.” Jack’s reply was so unlike him, you didn’t know how to respond.

  
**JackJack:** Are you sure? You normally don’t evade from me. You know you can talk to me right? I’m not too busy to make sure my friends are okay.

  
Your fingers hesitated over the board again, wanting to tell him, wanting to take some of the pressure off the steam cooker. You were also shocked that he knew you were evading. Normally, people couldn’t tell, nor did they care. You’d never noticed Jack was your confidant, but looking back, you had been going to him for advice for a couple of years now. He’d helped you through your job issues, your decisions on whether to go to college...

  
**JackJack:** Sorry, I’m probably prying. I’m just worried.

  
Your finger flew over the keyboard, unable to hide from him and before you looked you had sent it already. “ _It’s not fine right now, but it probably will be soon_.” You felt guilty even for that, like you were speaking badly of Mark and, even worse, feeling like you were lying to Jack. You didn’t see how this was going to get any better anytime soon.

  
**JackJack:** Okay...

  
You fussed with the bedspread, the soft sheets sliding through your fingers, " _Please don't be upset with me_." You sounded pathetic, but you couldn't take it if Jack was angry with you too. You held the phone tightly to your chest. Dating a Youtube star came with a lot of restrictions. You didn't have many friends left. The ones you talked to lived only a few miles less than Jack, and he was your closest friend.

 

 **JackJack:** I'm never mad at you! I'm just worried, obviously something is bothering you, and you don't want to talk about it, so it must be big. I'm just...worried for you.

  
Your heart swelled, relief flooding you. It was a sickening pleasure for him to worry about you. You didn’t really want him to, but you felt so deprived. " _Jack, will it make you feel better if I promise I'll be okay_?"

  
**JackJack:** for now ya. :)

  
The smile returned to your face, and you lay the top of the phone against your forehead. If you could, you'd absorb the comfort directly from him. " _Thanks. I'm going to go back to sleep, when Mark and I are both up would you like to hash out a dinner plan_?"

  
**JackJack:** Sure! Sleep well, dream of cotton candy floss and sams!

  
You rolled your eyes. Sometimes that boy was his channel. You'd never be able to peel them apart now. “ _I’ll try, have a good day Jackaboy_.” Your eyes were almost closed before the phone buzzed again.

 **JackJack:** Don’t answer this, but please be alright, okay? I don’t get enough sleep as it is.

  
You were tempted to disobey and tell him not to worry, but you were so tired that your fingers refused to work further. The phone slipped down the pillow to rest at the base. The light flickered dimmer and then off, just as your eyes fluttered closed for the last time, drifting off into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any mistakes or questions please tell meh.


	3. Calling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet! A comment and 16 Kudos! Not too shabby! Thank you for liking it so far!

 

  
The nights and days returned to the routine, except for the messages flying back and forth between you and the Irishman. Normally, he only contacted you a few times a week, and you didn't talk to him much more so you wouldn't break his concentration.

Even if you knew his schedule, it seemed like he was way too excited to keep it to himself, and as Mark was still working his longer hours, it seemed that you were the recipient of all his excitement. After all, you had the most time and he was supposed to keep the show quiet.

  
You'd wake up every morning now with the light on your phone blinking, after he had apologized for two days about waking you up. You promised your phone was on silent and you answered when you woke up. It made you smile, trying not to feel the emptiness in the bed next to you. Some mornings he was still there, his back towards you. Those mornings you blocked the light with your sheet until you knew you weren't going back to sleep. On the mornings you were able to fall back asleep, was when he didn't reply back immediately, a few hours later he explained he was editing or recording. You never minded.

  
Speak of the devil. Your phone jangled, the Skype messaging system alerting you of a message. He was really late. You had begun to get worried about him, tempted to message him yourself.

  
**JackJack:** Hey sorry I woke up late and have been pumping out recordings the past few hours.

  
You glanced at the clock, you were already on your lunch break, and it was two pm, it had to be nearly 10 PM in Ireland, how late did he wake up? He normally finished around seven, even with the editing. " _You okay_?"

  
**JackJack:** I'm fine, just tired. Gotta fit triple the videos in a week.

  
You winced, feeling a little guilty as you bit into your lunch. You had been messaging him an awful lot...

  
**JackJack:** The only thing keeping me sane right now is you and Mark lol.

  
Your hands twisted together, regretting the way your heart leaped at his comment. " _Sorry if I've been keeping you up._ " The rest of your food seemed a bit tasteless as you waited for his reply, but you knew if you didn't eat you'd get a headache later.

 **JackJack** : Nah, it's fine I need to work hard and getting to see my friends is a good motivation.

  
You smiled, about to send him a reply before a photo download notification popped up. You clicked on it, waiting for the download, turning to greet the coworker waving at you. She dropped by for a moment, chatting lightly about the rest of the day's work, and you let the phone lay on the table.

  
"Oh! He's cutttteee, who's that?" Glancing down at your phone, realizing the picture of Jack was on the screen, you swallowed hard, hurrying to cover the screen. Squeaking out, "Just a Youtuber I watch." The people at your work didn't really understand Youtube, nor did they know who your boyfriend was. She laughed at you, rolling her eyes, walking off to leave you to your lunch. You waited a bit for your blush to die down, and uncovered the screen. Studying the picture he had sent you, you felt a familiar feeling creeping into your heart, and you tried to viciously stamp it down.

  
The picture that he had just sent you was different than the others he'd sent this week. He looked tired. His hand rested on his chin, the other held out to snap the picture. His blue eyes were half open, his mouth slightly open like he'd caught himself in mid-breath. He was wearing a black tank top, the front gaping a bit to his chest. The look in his eyes was demanding, drawing your attention, even though you knew it wasn't intentional. Your legs crossed as you looked at the picture, unable to look away. You knew he didn't send it for any other reason except to show you he was okay.

  
...He was bringing back feelings you had buried long ago, before you’d even met, when you had only his videos to watch.

  
You had loved both of them more than your heart could handle, but Jack had been dating his longtime girlfriend when you had met him. Mark was newly single at the time, and you had gotten to spend the most time with him, which eventually turned into dates. Eventually, the distance got to you, and during your second year together you moved in with him, after several long talks. Jack split with his girlfriend a few months after that, and that was when you had started talking like friends to each other. Before it had been just a casual acquaintance; now he turned to you for support, and you made him actually sleep. Ever since then he considered you a good friend to him, something that still made you giggle with happiness every time he mentioned it.

  
Damnit! You couldn't take your eyes off of his. They were a deeper blue than usual, and the waves were dragging you under before you shook yourself. Jack was a friend. Jack would always be just a friend. That was it. You had a relationship right now, one you had to figure out what you needed to do with right now. Your fingers still pushed the save button, keeping the photo locked away in your phone. " _Aw you look tired..._ " You realize you sent that message in what felt like years later and hoped he wouldn't notice.

  
**JackJack:** I am. But I'll be on track to finish it. I talked with Mark and Wade will actually be in on sat for a con, so I was thinking maybe we could go out for dinner Sat? That good for you?

  
You smiled, admiring how he was thinking of everyone, knowing that you had nothing to do, and his friends were so important to him. " _Sure, no problem. A new italian restaurant opened up around the house, would you want to try it_?” You knew he liked Italian, and hoped no one had decided the restaurant yet.

  
**JackJack:** YES! i WANT!

  
You giggled at him, engaged in his enthusiasm. “ _great, I thought you’d like that idea._ " You set the phone down and shoved food in your mouth, realizing you had been blindly staring at your phone for most of your break. It buzzed a few moments later, and you stopped, fork almost to your mouth before dropping it to answer.

 **JackJack:** Aw you know me so well!

  
You felt the tiniest bit of emotion in you heart again and replied quickly to remove yourself. " _You're not that hard to learn Jack. I have to go, off my break now. Talk to you later_?" Your alarm for break’s end sounded to life, startling you a bit before you shut it off and started to gather your things. Your phone buzzed again, but you continued to pack, picking it back up as you started on your way back.

  
**JackJack:** Always.

  
Your heart melted in your chest and for the rest of the day you spent it trying to re-harden it.

  
  
It was later in the week, and you were glued to your phone, waiting for the green light to flicker. You had a few false alarms – apps with the same light – but you were waiting for a certain person to get off his damn plane. You had made it to Friday, and he was supposed to land over an hour ago. Mark was currently trying to squeeze a video in between going to pick him up, and you had casually mentioned you would be going with him. He didn't respond but gave a slow nod in your direction. You hoped he wouldn't forget if Jack messaged him first. He was going to be staying at the house to save money on a hotel, something you and Mark had already agreed on. Or, rather, something you had proposed and he grunted an agreement.

Jack was ecstatic about this, already planning on many recording and just being able to play games with his friends. You joked with him about it – “ _Isn't that your job_?” – and he sent you a grumpy face, saying it was different.

  
You'd explained you knew that-

  
Your phone blared to life. You had not been expecting a call, and your phone flew out of your hand in shock, even as it blared a specific song. Once you recovered from being startled, you dove down hunting for the phone under the couch where it landed.

That was _Jack's_ ringtone.

  
He so rarely called you.

  
You fingertips brushed the phone and you snagged it, bringing it up to your ear with enough force for it to smart. You pressed the call button and his laugh echoed in your head.

  
"I was bout to leave ah message." His accent was strong tonight, or maybe it was the fact you hadn't heard it live in your ear for a while.

  
"Sorry, I dropped my phone..." At this, his laugh was musical, a snort thrown in at you. "Shut up! I wasn't expecting a call!"

  
"Sorry, sorry. I landed and I figured this was better than messages." Shuffling on his end and his breathing loudly through the speaker.

  
"Oh, when do we have to pick you up-?" A knock on the door grabbed your attention. You frowned, feeling irritated. You weren't expecting anyone. Added to the fact you'd probably have to hang up with Jack.

"What's up?" he asked, the rustling stopping and he grew quiet.

  
"Sorry, someone is at the door." You walked slowly over to the door. It was late at night. Who the hell would want something at this hour? You could only see the outline of the person; the porch light burnt out sometime last week. "I'll let you go-"

"Nah I'll just wait, kinda weird for someone to knock at eleven..." His voice carried a note of worry, and you knew you couldn't argue with his tone.

  
"Okay, okay, but I'll bet it's someone who’s lost..." You went to the door turning the knob slowly, placing your foot against the back for safety. You hand dropped the phone in your pocket, actually comforted by having someone there.

"Hello, did you need-!"

Jack.

  
He was standing on your front porch, the phone up his ear, leaning with his elbow in the doorframe. His mouth was curved in a smirk, eyes darkened by the black hat on his head, and his free hand raised in a wave.

  
You couldn't get your voice more than a whisper and muttered out, "Jack..." He dropped his hand and at the same time you fully opened the door he grabbed your arm, pulling you into an embrace. You buried your face in his shoulder, shock still coursing through your veins as you wrapped your arms around him. He leaned over you, his head resting on yours, tightening his arms. "Hello." He whispered softly in your ear, sending chills down your spine. You could feel the skin of your cheek heating up while it connected with his, your short-sleeved shirt feeling the cotton of his red shirt.

  
"H-hello," you stuttered. Damnit! Hopefully, he would simply attribute it to surprise. Neither of you let go for a while, enjoying the closeness, before you grew nervous and pulled away from him. "How, what...?"

  
His response was a grin, a shooing motion into the house. "I'll tell you when you let me inside. It's hot as balls out here."

  
You returned the smile, shaking your head at him, too excited he was here to disagree.

  
The cool of the house was welcome. You hadn't realized how hot it actually was before, grateful to whoever invented the air conditioner. He set his bag down with a thump on the floor next to the couch, flopping down on the seat. You debated with yourself a moment, to get Mark or to wait until Jack went and pounded on the door. He leaned back on the couch back, grinning wider at you.

  
"I ain’t gunna bite you lass, unless you're into that." His grin turned jokingly lecherous and he raised his eyebrows rapidly. Your laughter burst out of you, and you put your hand to your face, shaking your head at him.

  
"Dumbass." You walked around the couch, sitting close to him but not enough to make him feel uncomfortable. He was your greatest friend, but you didn't want to feel weird, didn't want him to think you were being weird. He was just sitting there, looking like he was enjoying the cool air. He had a sheen of sweat on his skin, the posture he taken left him wide open. Your eyes roamed over him, all slender limbs and smooth skin, his mouth dropping open as he took a deep breath, his chest rising with it. You watched his throat with it, watching his head roll side to side when he stretched his neck out.

  
"I took a taxi from the airport. I thought it'd be nice since you guys were putting me up. I knew Mark was recording, so I thought I'd surprise you." His lips curved again, looking at you with half lidded eyes, his mouth still slightly open.

  
"Y-you did." Fucking stutter! His lips curved further, closing his eyes and throwing an arm over his eyes.

  
"I'm glad. I spent the last half of the plane ride trying to figure out a way to." His laugh shook his body. Oh, dear lord, you had forgotten he had muscles, too. They rippled under skin as he laughed, his shirt riding up a bit to reveal a pale, rippled stomach covered with darkened hair.

  
Fuck. You were fucked.

  
He looked _good._


	4. Movement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Some people are liking it. My editor is at least xD

 

 

Your mind was scattered for the rest of the night.

  
You kept watching him move.

  
Of course, Mark was out of his room, a smile plastered along his face, looking at his friend with affection. It stirred an ugly emotion that seemed to contaminate your heart and lungs, so you had to focus on something else. And dammit, your mind settled on movement.

  
His hands tapping on the table, mouth moving to tell a story about him going outside. You smiled reflexively when his eyes skittered over to yours, unsure if it was him being funny or nervous. His hands on the controllers, fingers graceful and long, furiously pressing buttons. The way his shirt rode up again when threw his hands in the air for a victory. Like you were paying attention to the game anyway.

  
You didn't understand it. These were the same feelings you once had – hell, still had – for Mark. But Jack’s body was so different. Pale where sundrenched skin normally met your eyes. Bright instead of dark, his ocean eyes getting you lost instead of eyes of chocolate making you hungry. Slender arms and legs instead of muscles big enough to be unable to wrap your hands around. Bouncy and sweet instead of deep and distracting. You were so confused. You had buried those thoughts so long ago. When you began with Mark, you shoved the feelings you had for Jack away so long ago... but your brain kept circling around him and the length of time.

  
He was smiling at you, and you weakly smiled back, at which he raised his eyebrows. He reached out from the couch, pulling you towards him for a half hug. You jerked forward into him, landing harder than necessary against his shoulder, your hand out on his chest to steady yourself. Your fingertips brushed into his shirt, feeling the soft skin you had been admiring moments earlier. You breathed in sharply, his fingers digging into your side to keep you by his side for the moment. You were stretching across the couch side, quarter turned and so uncomfortable...but so comfortable.

  
He held you there for a moment, and even if he didn't have the massive power Mark had, you doubted he'd let you go. He was still focused on the cut-scene animations of the game, having beat the boss in a match previously. It was like he didn't even realize you were in his arm anymore, his weary eyes scanning the instructions. You shifted, to get pressure off your side and he tightened his grip on your side, whipping his head towards you. You fussed when his fingers dug in almost painfully.

  
"Sorry, I thought you were falling."

  
You shook your head, both for falling and...falling. He smiled at you again, this time you returned it fully, wiggling a little to emphasize that you were still trapped. His smile turned wicked and he paused the game, moving slightly to yank you over the side of the couch.

  
Your scream was cut short as he covered your mouth and mercilessly started to tickle you, your back against his lap. You withered uselessly, body betraying you to stay right there. He paused momentarily when Mark walked back in the room, but instead of stopping he went right back to it. You screeched, giggling as Mark shrugged, returning to sit in front of the TV, unpausing the game. Jack still didn't stop, letting you go to breathe slightly but still dragging his hands along your sensitive sides.

  
You tried to push him away, but that only got him started again, until Mark's screams of "Jack!" while dying brought his attention. He laughed, picking up the wireless controller again, setting his elbows on you now.

  
"Hey!" you complained, wiggling. He ignored you, smirking as he pushed his elbows harder. "Heeyyyy!" You had a sudden memory and smirked back at him, revenge fully on your mind. You attacked his right side, causing him to scrunch up, dropping the controller and letting out barks of laughter. He curled around you, trying to slap your hands away but as Mark died again, he dumped you on the floor. His breathing was quick as you giggled on the floor at him. His look of absolute concentration on the game now that he was the only one alive was so satisfying.

  
You watched him that way for a while until laying down was getting you tired. You didn't know how they both did it. They seemed to be machines. But that was probably why you didn't have a Youtube channel. You rose from the floor, your sides sore from the abuse. Careful to not block the TV, you wove your through Mark's and Jack's stuff; they had apparently made the living room their base.

  
You leaned down to give Mark a kiss on his head. He didn't return it, but at least he didn't stiffen like he usually did. Jack's character suddenly took a tumble down the steep mountain and he threw himself back, flailing with his arms up. His screech of indignation was adorable and you giggled at him. He started and glanced at you, a faint tinge of pink on his cheeks. He wouldn't look at you for a moment, instead concentrating on Mark's character before you wrapped your arms around him. He turned his face closer to yours, the skin on his cheeks darkening. You bit your lip, trying not to laugh at him more, and he whispered, "Shut up."

  
You giggle again, squeezing him tightly, as he returned it, "Goodnight. Dream of candy floss." You rolled your eyes, lifting up and straightening your clothes.

  
"And sams." You repeated what he said last week and the smile he gave you almost dropped your mouth. You turned on your heel to not focus on it, swiftly walking to your room.

It was pitch black. You ran your hands along the wall to find the switch, flicking it on. The light blinded you for a moment, your hand over your eyes.

  
Finally adjusting to it, you peeled your shirt off, then the shorts. You decided to keep your underwear on for the night. Slipping into bed, it was soft as always, your head hitting the pillow with a sigh. You plugged your phone in and noticed a green flashing light. Who the hell could it be at this time of night?

  
**JackJack:** Have a good night sleep. Hopefully we won't keep you up too much.

  
Your heart swelled at this, a small smile relaxing on your face. You stared up at the black ceiling, the light from the phone slowly dimming. You'd seen Jack with female friends. He wasn't as touchy as Mark, who always needed to touch someone. But Jack was also a physical person, only a little more reserved. So what he had been doing tonight wasn't exactly extra. You were the one making it mean something. You were the one catching feelings you shouldn't have for your boyfriend's best friend. Your eyes shut tightly, and against your better judgement you opened the messages again, your heart still jumping. Were you so deprived that you were putting emotions where they didn't belong?

  
You lay your head down, refreshing the screen every time the message faded away. You were beginning to feel pathetic...

  
**JackJack:** Git offa Skype. Go to sleep!!! :d

  
You smiled sadly, hiding your face in the pillow, tucking the phone under it.

 

The next morning the light wasn't blinking green and you knew that he was here, but it was still saddening. Mark had fallen into bed some hours after you had, and while you were curious, you were too tired to check the time. So you fell back asleep, waking up again at ten, feeling a little more stable then you had in awhile. The house was silent; even Chica wasn't up, at least not until you got out of the bed. You smiled at her, running your fingers through her fur as she planted both paws on your stomach. "Oof!" you grunted, and shooed her out the door when you left, grabbing a shirt to cover up. Normally, you wouldn't have cared, and Jack was probably still dead to the world, but better safe than sorry.

  
You left your room. The light to Jack's temporary room was pitch black. Thankfully, Mark had installed blackout curtains there too. Chica was dancing around your legs, eager to be let outside, and you opened the sliding glass door, watching her rocket out. You stood in the doorway, the muggy LA weather sitting on your skin. Staring out at the ocean you let your mind wander, watching the waves crash in. You still weren't used to the ocean being so close; it was unnerving sometimes. After a few moments, Chica was rubbing on your legs, trying to fit through the opening again. You shook your head at her with a grin, letting her by. Food was next. You poured her food into her bowl, pouring a bit of cereal in your own, leaning on the cool counter. You didn't have a clue what today would bring; you had nothing to do and the boys had nothing to do until Wade came in. But it seemed like you'd be the only person up for a while. Chica padded away, headed back to the cracked open bedroom door. Oh, you should probably close that...

  
You walked slowly up to the door, wrapping your hands around the knob and easing it closed. If Chica wanted to spend the morning curled up to Mark, that was fine with you. You leaned against the wall for a moment, debating whether you should actually go in and get some clothes before you got started with the day.

  
The door to the spare bedroom cracked open, and a sleepy-looking Jack popped out, rubbing the back of his neck.

  
His eyes were blurred over, glasses sitting on his face, and his lips set in a line. He had thrown a black tank over himself and a pair of black basketball shorts, feet bare. You froze, trying to not make a sound, hoping he would turn the other way, hopefully he wouldn't see you-

  
"Whoa!" Nope.

  
He jerked back, elbow banging into the door, as the pained expression swam onto his face you rushed to his side. Your hand cupping his elbow and rubbing at it. You couldn't stand anyone getting hurt and this was your fault. "Sorry! I was trying to be quiet!"

  
He gently dislodged your hand, rubbing his own elbow for a moment before letting his arm fall. "It's okay, it just smarts."

  
You nodded, standing awkwardly before him, unsure what to do. He laughed, "Well, I was headed to the bathroom, and if I don't go, I'll have a mess to clean."

  
You stuck your tongue out, rolling your eyes and turning away from him. "Nasty boy." He made a noise of argument behind you that cut you off short.

"Hey, that’s nasty man to you!" You could hear the indignation in his voice.

  
"Yes, yes, Jack, you are a nasty man." You turned to look back and him and he was in the exact same position, an unreadable expression on his face. "I'm finishing my cereal before it turns soggy." You turned back, dismissing him for the moment, and he muttered out a response behind you.

 


	5. Do That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot! I'm so happy people are liking this story! Thank you to the commenters and Kudo'ers!

 

 

The rest of the day was uneventful. You took advantage of Jack's bathroom visit to change into a pair of shorts and a bra. He came to sit with you a little bit later, claiming he couldn't sleep after that scare and you should make him cereal. At first, you denied him, but the way he looked at you over his hands, folded under his lip, elbows propped up on the table.

  
...so you made him cereal.

  
After that, you both spent time playing games until Mark woke up, barely sparing a glance at you. He headed straight to the fridge for a fruit smoothie, and once he downed that, he turned and began acting like a normal human being.

  
Wade came a few hours later. After a big warm hug, everyone set off to the restaurant. You sat next to Mark, directly across from Jack. This was to your great luck, as you were able to witness him slurping his spaghetti and the blush that erupted across his cheeks when he realized you saw him get sauce on his eyebrows. Of course, in turn, he got to witness you dumping an entire glass of water on the table, making Wade shake with laughter. You hid your face, making Jack lightly kick you under the table. You all went home after that. Jack opted to turn in early to prepare for the next day. It would be the first day of shooting and he had to be up by the murderously early hour of seven AM. Early for him was noon.

  
Mark left for the recording studio following assurances that he wouldn't bother Jack, lightly kissing you on the head on the way. You couldn't hide your look of shock fast enough for Jack, who gave you a very curious look. You morphed it into a smile, busying yourself with fixing the already clean coffee table. He didn't push it, though, only laying a hand on your shoulder. You couldn't help leaning slightly into his hand, trying not to reveal too much. Jack stood there for a moment, then pulled you close to his chest, causing you to gasp. He didn't say anything, instead placing his head on yours, his other arm wrapping around you. Did he know too much? He was smart, but he couldn't see anything, could he?

  
His fingers stroked down your back, his breath in your ears. You couldn't stop yourself, melting into him. His hand that wrapped around your upper back moved up to your neck and into your hair, pulling you closer. He was almost folded over you and his body heat was incredible, as if you had been so cold that you hadn’t even noticed before. His chest bumped into yours as he breathed and you felt protected...

  
His phone vibrated on the table, sliding around, but he still didn't say a word as he slowly let you go. You couldn't look at him in the eyes, instead staring into his shoulder as he picked up his phone to answer the phone. "Yah, mah?"

  
You started to leave to give him some privacy, when he placed his hand on your hip, effectively immobilizing you. "No, I'll be going to going later today for you." You swallowed hard, and gingerly lay your head on his shoulder. He turned his head, but you couldn't see his expression. A few heartbeats later, you felt his chin land near your temple, feeling it move as he talked to his mom, something about visiting her next time. You closed your eyes, and he began to sway slowly, moving your body with him.

He said his goodbye and hung up, but didn't move, continuing to sway. "You promised me you'd be okay..." he whispered, his head dipping lower into your ear.

  
"I am," you whispered into his shirt, your hand raising and curling in his shirt, your knuckles brushing against his belt. His hands tightened around you, his breath hot in your ear.

  
"You're clinging onto me right now. Are you really going to lie to me like that?" His voice was low, dangerous, and you breathed in deeply. Your hands pushed away from him. It was like pulling away from glue, but he let you, his head still down and his posture relaxed.

  
"I'll be fine, Jack..." you whispered. Even with your chin up, it was not possible to look him in the eyes. He crossed his arms slowly over his chest. You knew he was staring at you, even though you had your eyes on the shelf behind him.

  
"I know you'll be fine. You're always fine. You're too strong not too be. I just wish you'd let me help sometime."

  
You snuck a glance at him and your heart wrenched. He looked upset, and now he wasn't looking at you.

  
"You help me, Jack...more than you’ll ever know."

  
He rolled his head to look at you, tilted and unsure.

  
You slowly moved closer, wrapping your arms around him again, this time trying to draw a line for yourself. "Good night, Jack." His hands landed on your hips again, not fully wrapping around you. You lifted up and kissed his jawline, the scruff rough against your lips. Before you could move back, he lay his lips in your hair, his fingers tightening once on your hips before letting you go.

  
"Good night."

  
You pushed away, the cold creeping up on you again as you walked away, turning back to see him still staring at you. You couldn't keep his gaze, closing the door on his eyes.

  
Fuck...

  
You leaned against the door for support. Your body didn't know how it wanted to feel. Shamed, happy, scared, aroused...

  
You didn't know Jack could _do_ that. His voice so deep it rumbled in his chest, you felt it all the way to your toes. It took everything you were to not curl your fingers into his belt and scratch his skin, to stop at one kiss.

A kiss you shouldn't have done.

  
You slid down the door, covering your face with your hands. You regretted it, and yet you didn't. Your hands dragged down your face until you reached your neck, lightly scratching down your neck to relieve some of the pressure. You whined a small bit, heat pooling in your stomach. You shouldn't be feeling like this, you knew you shouldn't. You surged up, throwing yourself on the bed, willing yourself to fall asleep, even though you knew it was fruitless.

 

You should have known he was going to look good the next morning.

  
His hair was still messy, the long top locks flying away from his head. He wore a pair of dark wash jeans and fitted black shirt. His glasses were on his nose again, and his hand was wrapped around a cup of coffee. The smell was what woke you up. Before the events of last night, you wanted to wake up and see him off, so it seemed fated. He had an expression of surprise when he saw you standing there, and then confusion, setting his cup down and approaching you.

  
"Don't worry. I just wanted to see you off and wish you good luck." You plastered a smile on your face, watching as his blue eyes searching yours.

  
"Oh, okay...don't scare me like that." He retreated, grabbing his coffee cup and returning to the counter to lean on it. Did he forget about last night? Or was he trying to distance himself?

  
"Do you know what's happening today?" You fiddled with the hem of your tank. You unconsciously picked the closest shade you had to his eyes, with a pair of flowy black shorts. You weren't trying to catch his eye.

  
He finished the coffee in one swing, reaching over to the pot and pouring himself another cup.

  
“Nervous?" you asked.

  
He smiled softly, "Yah, but today's mainly going to be an overview of the questions I'll be asked, and selecting the clips I want to put in." He took a sip of the coffee and winced. "Mark has shite coffee."

  
You laughed. "True, you should put in Happy Wheels Two Hundred. That's one of my favorites." You smiled as he did behind the cup. "What?"

  
"Sometimes I forget you still watch my videos. It's nice to hear."

  
You breathed out softly, watching his throat as he swallowed.

The alarm on his phone turning on and he flicked it off. "I gotta go. It was nice having someone up with me, thanks." His smile was so sweet you almost melted in your spot. He drained the rest of the cup, placing it in the sink, walking past you to grab his jacket hanging off the couch.

  
"What time do you think you'll be back?" You winced. The tone of your voice made you sound like an eager, nagging wife.

  
He checked the screen of his phone, looking deep in thought. "Well, they said they'd be buying me dinner tonight, so probably not till late. I'm sorry if you or Mark have to let me in."

  
He looked apologetic and you grinned at him. "I go to work today, so I'll probably be around."

He looked a bit startled, his hand stopping while putting his wallet in his pocket. "Wait, what time do you go to work today?" 

You looked up at the clock, squinting at it for a moment. "Today is Monday, so nine to six." You nodded, smiling at him, only to become really confused.

  
"Fuck!"

  
You raised your eyebrows at him. “What?”

  
"Why are you up so early? You have two more hours..."

  
Your smile grew and you shook your head at him. "I told you, I wanted to wish you luck."

  
He just stared at you for a moment, when his phone buzzed he snapped out of it, swiping it away.

  
"My ride is here. Go back to sleep." He walked quickly to be in front of you, his arms winding around and buried his face in your hair. You gasped, unable to react when he squeezed you tightly, crushing you to his chest. He let go almost as quickly, turning around. But before you could catch your breath he turned back. He dropped a kiss on your forehead, high and close to your hairline.

  
He was gone before your mind could focus, the sound of the closing door the loudest in the house.

  
There was no way you were going back to sleep now.


	6. Coming Home

 

You missed him.

You had gotten home from work to an empty house. Mark left a note he had gone to the set with Jack. His handwriting was neat and concise: He still looped his y's and flicked the dot on his i's. While you realized you didn't have a reason to be there, it still hurt. It should have been obvious that'd you'd want to go, too, to support your friend.

It was a moot point now anyway. You ordered a small pizza in and waited, the light slowly disappearing into darkness. The TV still didn't have anything interesting on it, so you ended up watching reruns of the show on Netflix. You knew Jack would be a hit on it, just like Mark had been.

You'd traded your work clothes for shin-length pants, a bit tight, and the same tank from this morning. It was getting late. The last time you looked at the clock, it was edging towards nine. You hoped they had gotten good food, rather than the junk you had been putting in your body. Your mind wandered to the night before, the same thing it had been doing all day. It was the most contact you had gotten in almost a year now.

  
Being with Mark, there had always been ups and downs, fights and sleeping in other rooms. But it had never been like this in the four years you had been together. Previously, you had only ever gone a day without touching, at most two days without speaking. Now it was weeks without speaking and touching only when someone else was around. Beyond that, it was unemotional motions.

  
You didn't know what happened. His workload was the same. Stressful, but the same. Your workload hadn’t changed, either. He just started to pull away slowly. At first, you didn't really notice. It wasn’t until the night you stripped down and he said no. That's when you knew something was wrong. From there, it had all gone downhill to where you were now. Cold and lonely, reaching out where to you shouldn't.

  
But you didn't want to this thing with Jack to stop. He made you feel warm, made you feel safe and wanted, even if he didn't know what he was doing. Even if he didn't feel the same.

  
You brought up the picture he had sent you a week ago, and you bit your lip staring at it. You couldn't even remember if you had been this way about Mark, but you didn't know what to do with it now.

  
The door handle jingled and you shot up, eager to hear how everything went. You waited impatiently, and were well-rewarded for it: Jack smiled when he saw you waiting, your eyes drawn to him.

  
"It was awesome! I get to go back tomorrow!" He pumped his fist in the air and you laughed at him, watching as he immediately sat down and pushed the power button for the console. Mark moved to the kitchen, a heavy-looking white box that smelled amazing to put in the fridge.

  
"Aw, that smells really good..." You pouted jokingly at your sad-looking pizza, at which Jack smirked and stole a slice, biting it before you could complain. "Hey!"

  
He grinned, turning his attention back to the game, pretending not to hear you. You reached over to grab at it, not really caring if it had a Jack chunk taken out of it.

  
He switched the controller to his left hand, holding out the pizza just far enough for your reaching fingers to fail.

  
"Jack!" You pushed yourself off the couch cushion just slightly, reaching across his chest until he held it at arm's length away from him. You kneeled, trying to get around his shoulder, but managed to only press your body against his. He was leaning so far he slid into the side of the couch, your body collapsing on top of him. You growled as he still held the pizza out of reach.

  
"Fine, fine. You can have it...but just know that I poisoned it!" he laughed, taking another bite of it with you still on top of him.

  
"It's pizza. I'll take that chance."

  
He finished off the slice in one more bite, snorting when he saw your amazed expression. "I've told you I am in love with pizza."

  
You nodded dumbly, easing off him back into your original position. He finally logged into the game and you watched as he selected his favorite character. You denied to yourself that your body was flushed. "Will it be the same times for tomorrow too?" you asked, trying to distract yourself with conversation.

  
He nodded, selecting the level. "We're doing the actual shooting, so I don't have to be there so early, but I'll be as late. Then finishing touches. I have to fly back early Thursday to be home by Friday."

  
Your mouth turned down at the thought, but he was busy fighting, so you let yourself feel sorrow that your friend was leaving.  
"Oh, well, did you want to do anything else while you are here?"

  
He shrugged. "I think I wanna relax for a bit. I don't sleep well in new places." He smiled apologetically, and you smiled back at him.

  
"That's okay, just making sure you didn't want to do anything specific."

He shook his head as he waved the other controller at Mark, silently asking him if he wanted to play.

  
Mark shook his head, hand on the knob of the studio door. "I've got editing to do. I took a break to support youuuuuu!" Mark drew out the sentence in a dramatic fashion, which Jack laughed at, blowing kisses at him and miming sweet things until Mark shut the door to the studio.

  
Jack grinned at you, and you knew you were going to get roped into something you were going to regret. "Do youuuuu wanna play with me?"

  
You knew it. That smile was dangerous. That was a smile you'd always say yes to.

  
"Let's play a Youtuber in a game...I don't think I want to lose that badly..."

  
He grinned widely, shaking his head. "Oh, I won't go that hard at you if you can't take it." His smirk and smartass remark aggravated you, and you narrowed your eyes at him.

  
"I never said I couldn't take anything. I can take anything you throw at me, Jackaboy."

  
His eyes flashed and his smirk turned almost predatory. "Really now?" He held out the controller to you, "Take me on then." His voice was low and you felt that heat again. Trying to ignore it, you snatched it from him, selecting your player two.

After hours of matches you were faring no better. Quite the opposite. He had managed to drive you even more crazy.

  
"Bite me," he whispered. If he'd come any closer to you, you would have sunken your teeth into him. His character was flailing on the floor, your character standing triumphantly above him. It was a hard victory. You were laid back on the couch, a sheen of sweat over your skin. His body was relaxed, but his face seemed tense. He had won all the matches beforehand, and even then, you had still had fun. You might get in a little trouble, as you cheated with this one.

  
(What? You got frustrated!)

  
It was just a little tickle and a little pushing him into the back of the couch and almost sitting on his lap. You felt like a drunk, unable to stop, your nerves arching. His eyes went upwards as you watched him. He took a breath in and out. His eyes then cut to you right as Mark exited the room, his hair disheveled.

  
"Yoh, Jack, wanna record a video with me?"

  
Jack continued to stare at you while Mark wandered around to the larger camera. "Sure..." His voice was low and you involuntarily shivered, hoping he didn't notice. He stood up, rubbing the top of your head and followed Mark back into the room.

  
Was he mad at you? The last time you had played games together, he’d cheated too...

Your fingers hesitated over the send button, not wanting to bother him if he was upset with you. You couldn't face him right now, unsure if he would push you away if you took it too far. You sighed, quickly pressing the button and hiding the phone. " _are you upset with me_?"

  
The buzz back was almost instant, and you were afraid to look. It could mean so many things...it could not even be him.

  
You eased the phone out from the pillow, as you had retreated into the bedroom after they went in to record. The green was flashing, and you hit it to show a Skype message. You pushed the notification slowly.

  
**JackJack:** No why would i be?

  
You breathed a sigh of pure relief, your heart slowing from the rapid pounding it was dancing to. " _I cheated a little_."

  
**JackJack:** a LITTLE?! :D

  
You smiled, relaxing further a smile once again on your face. " _yes a little_!"

  
**JackJack:** I call that massive cheating. But okay :D I'm only cranky about you not saying goodnight lassie.

  
You swallowed slowly. Oh. You didn't say goodnight to him. And this would be one of the few nights in a very long time you hadn't. You hovered over the keyboard, ready to send excuses, but you knew you wouldn't send it. You wanted to see him one more time tonight. One where you weren't afraid he hated you.

  
You threw an oversized shirt over yourself and slipped up the pants you were wearing earlier. Putting your phone down, you edged out of the room, glancing down the hall to the darkened living room, then to the dark spare room. You had a feeling he was already in bed. Did you want to bother him when a simple message would suffice?

  
Yes.

  
You shut the door to your room, slowly walking down the spare room and knocking softly. At first, you didn't hear anything. Maybe he had fallen asleep already?

  
"Come in." His voice was a bit rough, like he had just started to fall asleep. You opened the door, the hinge creaking slightly. When you slipped in and turned to where the bed would be, he flicked the small desk light on, casting the room in a dim yellow tone. He half-smiled at you with his face still on the pillow. You’d almost forgotten how long his arms were. You could only see the right side of his face, one brilliant blue eye.

  
He didn't move, just watching you slowly approach, the sheets pooled around his waist. You desperately tried to avoid following the curve of his smooth back, small smattering of freckles you knew were there. Instead, you focused on his face, as he finally turned to face you, eyes half-lidded.

  
"Sorry if you were asleep." You could only manage a whisper for some reason, standing a foot away from him, your hands twisting behind you nervously.

  
"Not yet, was waiting for you to reply." He lifted up a bit, snagging the bottom of your shirt and pulled you, stumbling till you reached the edge of the bed. "Sit."

  
You sat. Somehow, the sleep husky whisper of his voice brooked no disagreements. He returned to his original position, this time his face turned to you. His eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. You studied his face, noticing every line, every indent, every hair on his cheek.

  
"You know I'm not upset with you, right?"

  
You clenched your fingers in the bedspread, nodding. He smiled, cracking an eye open, opening his mouth.

  
"You know I can't see you nod your head, right?"

  
You lay your hand on the bed, your pinky ever so slightly grazing the skin on his side, and he shivered. It wasn't that cold in here, was it?

  
Your voice came out much more heated than you intended. "You still know I did it."

  
His eyes lowered, casting a glance over what he could see on the bed. "I know you."

  
The words spread through your veins, the baritone of his voice sending shockwaves down to your very core. Yes, he knew you. He knew you very well. Your head dipped low, your eyes downcast. How could you hide from him? You heard and felt him shifting, but didn't look until he reached over, tucking your hair behind your ear to get you to look at him. When you did, his blue eyes were sharp, swirling like two storms, all directed at you.

  
You sighed, his hand still on your shoulder where it fell, and he let it trail down your arm. Letting go, he fell back on the pillow, closing his eyes tightly, and you blew out a shaky breath.

  
"Where's Mark?" you asked, trying to change the subject, anything you could handle.

  
Jack peered up at you, his eyebrow winging up. "He went out. He didn't tell you?"

  
You set your mouth in a hard line, feeling the sting of tears gathering in your eyes. You blinked a couple of times, trying to play it off as getting something in them. "Uh, no, I guess he forgot." You smiled at Jack, closing your eyes and tilting your head, silently begging him to buy it. Buy it please...

  
You were tugged forward, gasping as you came in contact with cooled skin, laying across his chest. Your hand landed on his shoulder, brushing his collarbone. "Jac-!"

  
His hand wrapped around your waist, under your arm and the other in your hair. He looked straight up to the ceiling, his expression blank.

  
"Jack-"

  
"You know what sucks?" He interrupted you, his gaze still on the ceiling.

  
“No..." you whispered, slowly relaxing against your will, his scent lulling you into a calmed state. His hand brushed strands of hair back, soothing your nerves. Your thumb moved on its own, tracing his collarbone, memorizing the dips and edges.

"When a good friend doesn't tell you the truth and hurts herself."

  
You stopped your thumb and moved to sit up, but he tightened his grip on you, almost painfully. "Jack." You wiggled, but he didn't let go, instead reaching up to briefly squeeze your hand on his shoulder.

  
"I know you don't want to talk about what's going wrong. But please remember, I'm here for you. Whenever you need to talk, I'm a phone call away. Even if you leave a message, I will get to it."

  
You sniffled, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to hide against his skin. Your fingers dug into his skin, but he stayed put. His other hand began to trace symbols on your back, as the tears began to slip out despite your best efforts.

"Go ahead. I won't judge you."

  
Your walls broke with those simple sentences, the floodgates opening with a bang and you began to sob. Ugly and deep, you would have curled in on yourself except for Jack, his hand in your hair again and the other wrapped around your back. You were crying on his skin, which had to be uncomfortable for him. Some faraway part of you knew that, but you still couldn't stop. You brought your knees up his side, curling into him, your only anchor in the world right now. He just kept petting you, not saying a word, but you knew he was still right there. Your body quaking and shivering, you knew you were just dumping your problems on him.

  
After a while you quieted, sobs turning into sniffles again, until all that remained were hiccuping breaths and drying eyes. He still held you, and when you lifted your head up he was still staring at the ceiling, looking like he hadn't moved.

  
"S-sorry." You wiped your eyes, trying to wipe off his chest-

  
"Don't be sorry." He lifted up, taking the corner of the bed sheet and wiping it off himself. You started to pull away, but he grabbed your wrist. "Stay. Keep me company."

  
You just looked at him.

  
Stay here with warmth and security? Or return to the cold, and maybe a late-night visit from someone who felt so far away?

  
You shifted, bringing your legs up as he scooted over, and you lay your head on his shoulder, cradled in his arm. His smell made you feel safe. You knew this was spiraling out of control. Your emotions would never let you turn back, but as he reached over you to turn off the light, you didn't care.


	7. Headache

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Thank you all for liking this, so many comments already broke 100 Kudos! Thank you so much for liking it. I'm actually writing the last chapter as I upload this one :P

 

 

The next day, you barely saw him. You had woken up to an empty bed, the sheets cooling from his departure. You took a deep breath, the similarities burning your heart. You lay your head on his pillow, the smell of him safe and bittersweet. It had only taken a week, but you knew you couldn't go back how it was before. Just chalk it up to another painful emotion.

  
Oh, but this one was so sweet, you thought as you cuddled into the lingering warmth. After touching stone for almost two years now, the feeling of silk was addicting. You knew you would break, yet the thought of shattering was okay right now. You felt like your heart was being picked apart with a fine-tooth comb, dragging cracks along your nerves. You knew he would never return your feelings, even if you weren't with his best friend.  
You had laid there for another hour until the bed felt like the one you shared with Mark.

  
When you got back to the room you shared with Mark, you saw he was sprawled out on the bed, starfishing and taking up the entirety of it. You bit your lip, remembering how he used to do that with you, throwing a heavy, joking leg over your own. You had started to think that he didn't sleep like that anymore, but no, it just seemed he didn't want to touch you. Your heart ached when you looked at him. You still loved him, still loved him so much...

  
You slowly padded over to your side of the bed, your head still stuffy from last night's tears, unplugging your phone from the wall. Exiting the room without a second glance, you flicked the screen to life, noticing the Skype message but not opening it yet. You instead pulled up your work number and told them you wouldn't be in today. The headache already beginning to form in the back of your eyes. You would be useless today.

 **JackJack:** Sorry, didn't want to wake you after last night.

  
You didn't answer him.

  
You heard Mark get up later, shuffling around, but you didn't open your eyes from the couch. You had the blanket up to your chin and listened as he grabbed his keys, leaving out the door. It seemed like you were both so desperate for Jack, your lives were put on hold.

  
Jack wasn't home until at least one am, but you still didn't open your eyes. The pain in them and in your heart wouldn't let you face the man. A few loud sounds and a choked-off noise of surprise almost made you smile; instead, you buried it and your head further into the pillow. Loud footsteps trailed off into the direction of the recording studio. Or was it to the bedrooms? You weren't sure. At that moment, you didn't care.

  
You didn't hear anything else, so you didn't know who was left, or where they were. Your head was still throbbing. You had forgotten to clean up the coffee table after your quick lunch, not to mention the collection of bottles of pain meds. A quiet noise to your right startled you a bit, but you still didn't move.

  
You heard shuffling at the coffee table, the clanking of dishes lightly smacking against each other. Your eyes opened slightly, a lean back facing you as you wondered what was happening. He headed to the kitchen, and when you looked down you realized he had taken the half-cleared dishes for you. Your heart twisted. For the love of everything holy, Jack...stop being so fucking sweet.

  
He clanked the dishes down in the sink, and came into your view again. He was almost upon you when you shut your eyes. You heard another shuffle and his hand was in your hair, pushing your hair away from your face. His hand lingered for a moment, and then you felt his lips on your temple.

  
"Feel better..." It was barely above a whisper, and you couldn't tell if he knew you were awake. His fingertips dragged along your ear, and down your neck. He sighed when he finished, and more shuffling until you heard his footsteps following the earlier ones. You just kept your eyes shut, willing yourself to sleep again.

Because tomorrow was his last day.

  
The thought sent a pang through your heart, but it was probably for the better. Maybe a little distance would dampen the feelings a bit.

Although somehow, you doubted it.

 

It was way too early when the alarm rang, startling you from sleep. Mark had set his alarm loud enough to wake the entire house. You phone buzzed a few seconds later, on vibrate for your alarm. You shut it off, the remains of your headache still rattling around in your head. Your body hurt again from the couch. Once more stretching out the kinks, you set your feet on the hardwood. Would this become another routine? You hoped not, or you'd be investing in a chiropractor.

  
The door to bedroom opened, Mark exiting in a daze, stopping in his tracks when he met you in the hallway. Where did he go last night? You'd say it'd worry you more that he didn't meet your gaze at all, but that was becoming the norm. Your own eyes bounced off him as you realized he wasn't going to talk, brushing past him to the bathroom as he let you pass on his way to get coffee. It would normally have been a race to see who could get to the kitchen first, the coffee pot calling your names. Instead, you locked yourself in the bathroom, leaning over the sink and staring at your eyes in the mirror.

  
They looked back at you, while you heard the sound of the bathroom door next to you open. Jack was up. The faucet next door started. You turned the fan on in yours to muffle the noises and turned on your own faucet to brush your teeth. You really didn't have any energy to do anything else. After all, Mark and you were only dropping Jack off at the airport, and returning to the house. Running a brush through your hair, you couldn't look at your own self in the mirror, unsure if it was shame or defeat.

 

The car ride was agonizing.

  
Mark was driving, the music blasted up loud so he and Jack could dance and sing to it wildly as you sat in the back. At first, Jack had offered you the front seat so you could sit next to Mark, but you waved him off, letting him "sit with his friend."

  
He'd given you a strange look, his bag slung over one shoulder and his hip resting against the car. The elbow length shirt he was wearing was hugging him just right, paired with the same pair of jeans he’d worn on Tuesday.

  
"But you're my friend, too...aren't you?" His voice carried a note of worry, his eyebrows drawing down as he stared at you in confusion. Mark popped out of the house, stuffing his phone in his pocket and sliding into the driver's seat. Your brain had grinded to a halt, unsure how to spit out what you wanted to say. There were too many things going on your mind. _Of course_ you wanted to tell him you were his friend, but even more you wanted to tell him that he was becoming more. You wanted to tell him that he was your best friend. But shouldn't that be Mark? Hadn't you said that was Mark before?

  
The car started up, but both you and Jack hadn't moved, and that sparked you to blurt out a quick, "Yes!" It was way too little to say. Jack's mouth tilted up a little at the response, but the confusion in his eyes didn't ebb away. You opened the door to the car, sliding in and giving him what you hoped was a reassuring smile. He too slid in and glanced back at you before Mark turned the radio on, distracting him.

  
You spent the rest of the ride wondering why you couldn't speak, why you couldn't just let him not worry for a few moments about you. The low-key hurt in his face when the question left his lips had your mind in panic mode. The airport was off the next exit, but you hadn't spoken to him since that moment outside the car. Was it that you didn't want him to think of you as just a friend? You shook your head at that. No. No, you would fix this between you and Mark. You had spent too much time, too much effort to let it fall apart.

  
The car pulled up to the airport, zigzagging through road to drop him off. Mark pulled up to the end of the line, and everyone got out the car at once. Jack was already running late. His flight was leaving in two hours and he hadn't even gone through security.

  
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He ducked back in the car to yank out his carry on, walking around Mark, who was pulling out his luggage. "Shit. Sorry, bye, Mark!" He hugged him quickly around the shoulders, hard and fast, his fingers digging into the other man's shirt. "Ah wish I could say a real goodbye-"

  
"Jack, just go! We'll talk on Skype. Thanks for coming. See you again soon!" Mark spit the words out, shoving him away from him, his face had panic set in it. Jack really needed to be home for the next convention.

  
Jack turned around, his carry on almost hitting you in the stomach. "Shit! Sorry!" He pulled you close, and the world stopped for a moment, frozen in the place. There was no plane, no rush of people, just the soft hint of Jack's cologne, the feeling of his scruff against your cheek, and the feelings inside you. "See you as soon as I can..." he whispered in your ear, leaving the skin chilled and tingling. You tightened around him for a second, and he let you, unable to say anything. He knew. He always knew.

  
"Bye."

  
You let him go, and he spun back around, letting the handle out for his luggage. You worried about him when he walked away backwards, waving at both of you. Before he could reach the double doors, you shouted out. "Come back soon!" His smile was heartbreaking with its brilliance, and he nodded.

  
When he finally disappeared, you turned to Mark...who was already in the car.

  
You pressed your lips together. This was going to be a fun drive home.


	8. Telling You The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

 

You wished he never left. The house felt so much quieter, so much emptier. Without the green-haired Irishman, it was like the world was so much smaller. For a few days, Mark was almost the way he used to be, kind and tender. He took you out to dinner, and you laughed along with it. But you felt it. You felt something was different. Something within yourself. You didn't quite feel the giddiness you would when he first started to woo you. You didn't feel your heart beating with the power of your love for him anymore. Every time you looked at him, you found yourself waiting until his eyes started not to meet yours. You waited for his touches to become more infrequent. Trying not to show it on the outside, you tried to focus on the part of you that was thrilled with this.

  
The part that still burned after his touch. The melting when you saw his smile. For the first time in six months, his kiss was almost...hungry. You left Jack's messages unanswered for hours, until the pull of them got too strong, a casual sentence to sate yourself.

  
Then it started to go downhill again. Your heart sank, biting your lip against the pain. It was like you couldn't keep him interested for more than a week now. You'd see him now, slipping back into that room, and even more suspiciously now smiling into his phone and tilting the screen away from you.

  
Could he...could he be cheating? Mark never seemed like the type of guy to cheat...

  
You didn't feel like you could message Jack anymore after the way you basically ignored him this week. After begging him to come back soon.

  
It was almost two weeks before he got worried enough.

  
Your phone buzzed loudly. You looked up at the digital clock: 9 PM. It had to be 2 AM where he was. Why the hell was he calling? You picked up the phone, unable to stop yourself. Messages were easier to pass by.

  
"Hello?" you answered hesitantly, unsure of how you should sound right now.

  
"Hey." His voice was quiet, sweet like candy in your ears. Your entire body relaxed more than it had in the entire time since he'd left. Letting it wash over you, you realized what you had really been missing these past two weeks. "'Ow've you been?"

  
You didn't know how to answer that truthfully. "Been pretty busy. I've gotten called in work at lot." That was at least true.

  
"Oh, I was wondering..." His voice trailed off, as if he was unsure himself.

  
You swallowed hard, unsure of your own self. "Sorry, I- it's been a little rough. I was trying to make it better...it fell apart." Something in your voice must have told him not to pressure you further, so he changed the subject.

  
"You know how the show is going to air in the fall?"

  
You sat on the edge of your bed, curious. “Yeah?”

  
"I'm the first episode."

  
You couldn't stop the whooping noise that came out of your mouth, and Jack was laughing at you, sounding pleased with himself. "Everyone gets ta see my mug first thing."

You were grinning now, excited for him, "Oh, that's really going to boost their ratings..." You said it almost to yourself but it made Jack laugh harder.

  
"More like plummet," he joked.

  
Even though you knew he was kidding, you grew grumpy with him, tsking down the phone at him. "Jack, you are an awesome creator. You really need to have more faith in yourself. A lot of people can't do what you do."

  
He sighed, and you had a feeling he was twirling something in his hand to keep himself busy. "I know a lot of people would kill to be where I am. But it doesn't ever feel like I'm doing enough. Like there's always a video I could be doing better."

You pressed your lips together. You knew Jack would give his left kidney to a fan.

  
"Jack... you know you are enough, right? You as a person." Your voice dropped to a half whisper. "You need to rest, too. If you push too hard, you'll fall flat on your face again." You took a deep breath. "Please don't end up in the hospital again..." You knew he knew what you were talking about. The second time you'd ever seen him in person was in a hospital bed, hooked up to IVs and eyes hollowed from exhaustion. That was actually when you both started talking more; with the doctors forcing him to take it easier, he had much more time to spare.

  
That was when you finally got him to stick to a sleep schedule, which he'd broken a few times since then. But you had to give him credit. He was still trying to stick to it two years later.

  
"I won't. I promised, remember?" He laughed softly. "Well, after you ordered me to. Bossy, even then."

  
You humphed, shaking your head. Dumb. Not like he could see you! "Just concerned!"

  
He laughed, the sound relieving. "I'm still sticking to the 'rules', so hush." His tone was teasing.

  
So you teased right back. "Ah huh, then who's this person calling me?" You waited for his answer, and when it came, you heard the hesitation in his voice.

  
"...I couldn't sleep."

  
You lay back on the bed, your voice lowering. "You're not having those again, are you?"

  
You sounded like his mother...

  
"No..." He was being evasive. "Not exactly."

  
You knew that tone. He wasn't telling you the truth.

  
"Jack." You heard him inhale over the phone: You rarely used that voice with him. While you felt guilty for doing the exact thing he was doing, this was his health. "Tell the truth."

  
"...The insomnia has started. Not the terrors."

  
You brought your arm over your eyes, your lips pressing into a thin line. "The insomnia always starts it." You sighed, worried for him. Ever since the hospital, he'd had bouts of insomnia. They slowly grew worse, morphing into nightmares that worsened it until he began to have sleep paralysis. He'd wake up in the middle of the night – if he was allowed to sleep at all – unable to move, still dreaming. He'd kept it quiet before calling Mark one night, sleep-deprived out of his mind, babbling about broken saws.

  
After that, he'd been put on prescription meds to make him sleep. He'd been on them for a year before his dosage was lowered to only taking them when he had insomnia.

  
"Have you taken your meds?"

  
"Yesterday. I tried to lay down and at least rest tonight, but ...I couldn't."

  
You thought for a moment, arching your back to crack it, before uttering your next question. "Something on your mind you need to talk about?" You had a feeling of what it was if he called you instead of Mark.

  
"Nothing important." Good lord, he evaded like a bitch.

  
"Jack, please." You turned over on your stomach, curling your arm under your head.

  
He was quiet for a few moments, and then spoke. "I'm just worried about you." That surprised you a bit. You’d thought it was about Mark.

  
"Worried about me? Why?"

  
He laughed, but this time there was no humor in it. "You mean excluding you crying on my chest for hours, the way you've been with Mark, that you barely talked to me for the past two weeks? Nothing."

  
You shut your mouth with a snap, ashamed of yourself. You had been hoping he wouldn't notice, and didn't notice he knew you weren't talking to him.

  
"I'm trying not to ask shitty questions, but it's worrying me. Obviously."

  
You sniffled, your eyes filling, and you covered your mouth in an attempt to be quiet.

  
"Please don't cry." His voice was so soft you could barely hear it. "I don't want ta be an asshole, too."

  
You were confused. "Too?" Your voice was shaky and you cleared it.

  
"I know when Mark's being a dick," he said simply, a hint of humor back in his voice.

  
"Oh. Jack...I don't want to worry you about things that I should take care of." Your eyes closed tightly, and he sighed once more.

  
"I'm already worried. So your point is nonsense." You winced. "So tell me."

  
He wasn't holding back anymore. Sweet, allowing Jack had now been thrown out the window. The deeper his voice got, the deeper his accent got, the twisting of words weaving into your nerves.

  
"We've...been having problems. We were fine about...two years ago." You ducked your head, sure he was-

  
"Two. Years. Ago?" His voice was deathly quiet, and you breathed in deeply.

  
"That's the last time I remember everything being completely normal."

  
Jack was quiet for a moment. "Go on."

  
"After Pax East, he started to...pull away. At first, he was just talking less, the silences were longer." Your heart gave a pang. "Then as the year went on, he pulled away further. Some days, I barely got to talk to him. We kissed less until it was only me trying to instigate." The nights he moved away still cracked the pieces of your heart.

  
"I kept trying to figure out was wrong, but he would tell me it was nothing. So I left him alone, thinking it was maybe overworking. But it kept going downhill. He started to spend more time in the studio, and wasn't eating with me." You sniffled. The memories you kept trying to lock inside were now swimming to the surface. "This year, he has stopped talking to me for days at a time, not meeting my eyes, not eating what I cook for him, not cuddling, not answering my texts, not holding me!" Your words were spit out, frantically trying not to drag it on, not to sound so stupid. But you couldn't stop yourself from blurting out, "We haven't had sex in six months!" You were breathing hard from the outburst, trying not to lose your mind.

  
"...Wow." His voice was low, shocked, and you fretted. Did it sound weak? Did it sound like nothing to worry about, and you should have just kept your mouth shut?

  
Jack silent for enough time for you to think he'd hung up on you, and in a trembling voice you asked, "You still there?"

  
"Yah, just thinkin'." His voice was still soft, and the line went silent again until he asked, "Have you talked to him about this?"

  
"Yes. Every time I talk about it, it gets better for a few days. The reason I wasn't talking was because it was going well. Not that I wouldn't if it was, but...I-I..."

  
He made a hmming noise into the receiver. "You wanted to give it a chance?" he supplied for you as you struggled, and you made an affirming noise back at him.

  
"Jack, please don't tell him. Please don't talk about it with him, I- I can work this out." Jack was silent again. "Please."

  
"All right. But..." He stopped, drew a breath, and breathed out. "Keep me informed so I won't be worried as fuck. I'll probably still be, but if you don't talk to me all, I won't sleep. I'm too used to it."

  
"I promise, Jack." A yawn came through your ear and stuttering breath. "Are you finally getting tired?"

  
"Yah, only four hours too late." He sounded defeated, and your heart ached for him.

  
"Would it be so bad to let yourself sleep in?" Once again, silence. "Jack?"

  
"What...?"

  
His voice was far away, and you felt yourself crack a smile, he was falling asleep. He must have been really worried..."Go to sleep, Jack. Try to sleep in, okay? Good night."

  
"Night...’kay." His voice drifted away, and you could hear the faintly louder intakes of breath.

 

So what if you secretly felt relieved it was off your chest?  
So what if you had listened to him breathing for just long enough for it to seem creepy?


	9. Talking to Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus!

 

 

You rubbed your hands over your face, your eyes burning and head throbbing. Once you had talked to Jack, you felt like everything was going to go well.

How wrong you were.

  
Three weeks had passed since that conversation, and you had kept your promise to keep talking to him so he wouldn't worry, but you gave him even more to worry about.

  
First coming down with a cold, your cold meds knocking you out most nights before you could tell him good night. That he forgave you for every morning, after worrying himself almost sick the first night. You were still wondering why he was taking such good care of you. Did he do this with other friends? If he did, how the hell did he still have any energy?

  
Then Mark started sleeping in the other room.

  
You thought it was because you had the cold and the coughing was keeping him up at night. But even after you returned to normal, he hadn't come back. You took a deep breath, trying not to think about it, even as you heard his light snoring through the wall. Your heart always skipped when he moved past the door as you lay in the dark room, hoping that door would open and the light from the hallway would stream in. But no, the footsteps would pass by, without any hesitation.

  
You stared at your phone, knowing the light wouldn't blink tonight, Jack was headed to a convention and wouldn't be reachable for the night. You shouldn't bother him right now, anyway... it was something small, and you should be able to handle it.

  
Your fingers still itched to type to him, even if he wouldn't get it for hours. But you knew as soon as he did, his hands would be flying over the keyboard.

  
Your fingers instead mindlessly scrolled through your phone, winding through posts on Facebook. Happy couples, happy babies, sad memorial posts were doing nothing to cheer you up. For a moment, you considered shutting your phone down and retiring for the night before realizing there was no way you could sleep.

  
Skipping so fast you almost missed the post about Jack's new video, the thumbnail catching your attention before it could fully pass you. Jack was smiling, his hands in front of his face and dripping red. Oh, a new post in the horror game! You clicked on it, and reached over for the small headphones in your drawer, pushing them into your ears as the video loaded.

  
"Top of the morning to you laddies!" You winced as his loud voice echoed in your ears, still smiling and mouthed along to the intro. After watching him alone for years in your room, you better have had his intro memorized!

  
A few hours later, you looked at the clock, grimacing at the time. You had started with that video. Then the suggestions showed you something else, and something else, and another something else, and soon you were back down the rabbit hole. It was hard to not spam-watch Jack's videos. They just drew you in, his voice even becoming a sweet background to fall asleep to. It was currently three in the morning, a full four hours after you had started, but your heart was definitely lighter.

  
You sat up on the bed, still feeling not a bit tired. You felt like...bouncing. Jack always did that to you; watching his videos always put you in an electric mood. Even if you had seen them repeatedly.

  
You walked out of the room for the back porch, and slid the glass door open, the blinds rattling lightly. The air wasn't quite sticky anymore, but it didn't warrant you putting on any more layers. A pair of shin-length loose capris and a tank top sufficed, the white swirling design on the top peeling away in some places. You lightly walked over the stone steps to the pool, moved around it, and laid your arms on the fence separating the property with the ocean. About chest high, it was a wood paneling on top and thin metal bars to provide the view. It was dark, but you’d left the backlights off to enjoy the way the moon glinted off the calm ocean surface. The scent of the ocean filled you, but you never knew how to feel about it, sometimes overwhelming in its power. The sound of the waves made you feel relaxed, and you laid your head further on your arms, your eyes closing.

  
You still loved him. You did, but you were scared. The feelings weren't as intense as the days wore on, those days of silence, those days of loneliness. You felt guilty about it. Weren't you supposed to love him through the hard times, too? You weren't supposed to run to someone else when things got tough, especially not someone so close. Especially someone who didn't feel the same. Your eyes opened slowly, the after-image of Jack's smile still burned into your eyelids. Things were spiraling fast, and part of you wondered if Mark knew what was happening. Was he jealous of your relationship with Jack? All this had started happening even before you had started to get to see him as a friend.

  
Apparently, you were a wreck without Jack to talk to. Had you been this way with Mark, too? Is that why you had been pushed away? Too needy, too demanding for him? This had happened in a few of your relationships. They had thought you would change from the person you were at first, it seemed.

  
A seagull cawed along the beach, and you lifted your gaze to try to see it. When the effort proved fruitless, you moved away from the fence and headed towards the shallow end of the pool. Sitting down next to the edge, you rolled your capris up higher until they hit your knees and dipped your feet in the pool. It was colder than you expected, but not too bad. You kicked lightly when the urge struck you, smiling lightly at the ripples.

  
It was harder and harder to take the little pleasures in life, and you knew some people would be telling you to let him go. But the selfish part of you wondered what would happen. You would lose this, the house, the pool, the security. You would lose everything you had in four years. You would have to move out. You didn't even think you could afford anything in this state. It was selfish, but you were comfortable. You didn't know if you'd ever find someone with this. Maybe you had become spoiled?

You would lose friends.

  
Your heart ached. Wade with his booming voice. Molly with her sweet personality. The ever-wild Felix.

  
And Jack.

  
You pressed your lips together. You knew Jack would still talk to both you and Mark, but he would be torn and you didn't think you could handle him upset. After a few moments mulling over ideas, you came to a conclusion.

  
You'd disappear. You'd blink yourself off the radar, moving away to live with your parents again, and keep quiet. It'd be the best way for everyone to heal. No one would be worried about splitting their time...you loved them, but they had been with Mark much longer than you. And you didn't want to be taken away. If they even could be taken away.

  
You felt a rush of weight off your chest. A backup plan. That's all you had needed. One that no one would get hurt by.

  
Your feet were getting cold and you pulled them up, standing up and shaking them off, slipping back into the house. Looking at the clock, you saw that you had been out there for an hour. Shrugging, you retreated into the room.

  
Tomorrow. Tomorrow, you thought, sure it was going to get better. At least, you were going to try.


	10. Good Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to be forgiven xD

 

For the third time in under an hour, you straightened up the room, fluffing the pillows and fixing the flat sheets. Was the lighting right? Was it too dark? You had only turned on the bedside lamp, thinking the light was more flattering...

  
Wait, flattering? Why did you care that it was flattering? Well, you wanted to look good for a friend, was that so bad?

  
You were itching to go in circles around the room, picking up here, dusting there.

  
Why were you in such a frenzy?

Jack was calling you. Not only calling you, Skyping you.

He asked to call after he finished the recording with Wade. You could count on one hand the amount of times he'd Skyped you. The question had appeared on Skype Messenger, so you couldn't tell his expression when he asked, and it was driving you crazy.

Why did he want to call you? Did he have something to say? Did he want to talk about Mark? It had been a day since he'd gotten home from the three-day con in New York, and your world was righted again by his good morning message the day after your nighttime think session.

You ran the brush nervously through your hair again, the smooth strands by now slipping through your fingers. You looked down at yourself again, checking the outfit: A soft shirt, a tight pair of shorts. Well, you had the effortless look down!

 

...you needed to change!

 

Before you could start throwing the clothes out of your closet, the computer emitted a familiar dialing noise, blinking from a message.

Fuck! He was calling! You raced back the few feet to the bed, flopping over it and accepting the call. The screen flickered rapidly, shuffling sounds blasting from your speakers as you rushed to plug in your headphones. You fumbled for a few heart-pounding moments once you looked back up from searching for the plugin, the buds already in your ears. Then you were met with a smiling face.

"Hey," you squeaked, not quite expecting his face to be there, even though he’d called you.

His smiled grew, and he shook his head. "I told you I was calling, prepared much?"

You glared at him, though relaxing as you always did in his presence.

You really wondered if he recorded in that shirt, a pale green V-neck; his glasses sat high up on his nose.

"None at all." You circled around for a moment, trying to figure out how to lay on the bed. Finally, you decided to lay on your stomach, your computer already propped up on a laptop cooler.

"I can see that." When you had settled, you saw he was smiling at you behind his hand, propping his head up. The webcam was aimed a little lower than his recording camera and you could just barely see his keyboard and wrist rest. It was darker than usual in his room, the light from the computer glaring on his face.

"Hush, you know I get nervous when on camera."

He raised his eyebrows, watching as you fiddled with your hair, trying not to stare too creepily into the screen. "I know. That's why I don't Skype you a lot." Your look of surprise made him smirk. "Why would I not otherwise?" You decided to let that question hang in the air.

"Did you have a reason for calling?" Normally he had a reason, but as soon as your question was out you realized how rude it sounded. His laugh was your response, and you tightened your muscles. Why did you always have to be weird?

"Kinda. Wade and I were recording an earlier episode of the series last night and he mentioned a new game for me to look into."

You nodded, watching him with utter fascination as his eyes left yours, clicking around the screen. It was a wonder to be able to watch him with abandon, your eyes roaming over his face, biting your lips at the tendons standing out in his neck, the lean muscles that connected his shoulders. You swallowed hard when his face shifted to confusion, his tongue peeking out in frustration.

You loved when he did that...

His face brightened up – he'd probably opened a new browser window – when he looked back at you, making you jump. "It won't really fit into my channel, but it's two-player. I thought you might like it." The light dimmed. "Would you like to try it with me?"

  
You opened your eyes wide, not expecting that. Sure, you had played with him on console games, networking wonders across continents, but never through Skype.

He was really including you in his life. Was he feeling sorry for you? Was he worried about you?

...Should you really be worrying while he waited for an answer, looking like a kicked puppy?

"I'd love to check it out,” you said.

His smile was blinding. Your Steam blinked up on the screen. He had gifted the game to you. "Oh! Thank you, but I could have-" you started.

"Play it!" He turned on his volume, and you winced, pretending to hold your ears and swayed your head. "Wheee!"

You let the game load, listening to him fiddling with the controls, the shifting colors making an interesting collage on his face. Hell, who were you kidding? His face was interesting. So many emotions contained in one look, his hand coming up and lightly biting his thumb while waiting. You took a deep breath, Steam alerting you it had finished downloading. You clicked it, loading up the game. The title screen popped up, and you couldn't help but giggle.

"I knew you'd like it."

You glanced at Jack, and his eyes were lit up with amusement, his boyish charm shining straight through.

"I've actually been wanting this game," you admitted, a little shocked he knew you this well.

He leaned forward, on his elbows, holding his hands out. "Then shut up and play me!" His Irish was strong tonight, his voice screeching a tad bit.

After a few hours of bright flashing lights, you dropped your head on the bed. "How do you have so much energy?" you wondered aloud. His answer was a smile. Cheeky bastard. "Do you suck the energy from people?"

He laughed, loud and uproariously. "Yah!" Your lips curved at his smile, his happiness infecting you again. "Are you tired already?!" he asked teasingly.

"Fuck off, Jack." You rolled your eyes, waving your hand at the screen and moving your head to your elbow. He wiggled his eyebrows, a creepy look on his face.

"I think you mean, ‘Fuck me, Jack!’ That's what all the ladies say!"

It was an innocent statement, even for him. So why did your mind go straight to the gutter?

_Jack on top of you, his wicked smile plastered on his face, staring down at you as you arched up into his, his hips grinding down on you just to see your reaction. The way his hand would pull your own up higher, dragging his lips down your neck..._

"You okay?" The real-life Jack interrupted your thoughts and you blushed, hoping he wouldn't see in the bright screen.

"You wish!" you said a little bit too forcefully, and his eyes widened, an expression you didn't quite catch flying over his face. Jack pushed back, leaning back in his chair, and just staring at you for a moment. He really made a pretty picture. Your mind was flashing with an image of sliding his chair back a little further and straddling him.

His tongue peeked out a little to wet his lips, and he lowered his head to scratch at his temple, looking a loss for words. As his head was down, his lips slowly smirked and he leaned forward, his mouth close to the mic. "Nah, that's your job." The mic slightly distorted his deep voice, but you know he heard the gasp from you, your breath speeding up. If he spoke like that all the time, you wouldn't stand a chance...

He was looking up into the camera, his expression almost expectant. He knew what his voice did; the comment section of his videos let him know every time. It was way past time to try to not look affected, so you threw him a left hook.

"Only if you want to, Jackaboy." Tilting your head, biting your lip and moving closer to the camera, you let your body relax.

He licked his lips again.

His eyes were examining every inch of you. You felt studied and wanted him to do it to the rest of you. It wasn't a different conversation than you've had with him before, flirting and gone way too sexual. Everyone around would be laughing or joining in by now, but the dim light from the computer and the one-on-one interaction was messing with your head.

 

His eyes blinked rapidly and he shook his head, leaning back again. "It...it's getting kinda late. We should probably...go to bed."

You nodded, releasing the breath you hadn't known you’d been holding. "Good night, Jack."

He smiled, nodded his head, and then opened his mouth. "This was really fun," he whispered. "We should do it again."

You nodded. "Yeah, it was." Your mouse hung over the end call button. "Good night."

Jack nodded his head, then shook it. "We should do this again. I'm free on Thursday after six here." He was rushing through his words, and running his hand through his hair.

"You okay, Jack?"

He nodded, his breathing in huffs. "Yah, just got really tired suddenly..."

You agreed, a yawn escaping you. "Okay, I’ll see you then."

He smiled slowly, waving at you. "This was really fun," he whispered again, and you tried not to shiver.

"Yeah, it was...good night, Jack..." you waved at him, your fingers over the “end call” button.

"Good night." His hand hovered over the keyboard before blinking out.

You shut your computer down, shoving the cooling tray under the bed, the computer landing on the bedside table, and lay down on the bed. You checked to make sure the phone was plugged in, and saw that it was flashing green.

 

Why...?

 

 **JackJack:** goodnight.

 

God, he was cute.


	11. Fight Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editor is cranking them out XD

 

 

"I don't give a fuck."

  
Your face flushed and you slammed your hands on the table to this response. "You haven't been giving a fuck for a while!"

  
Mark jerked, dropping the plate in the sink, snapping his head back to you his eyes flashing angrily. "Well, that's not my fault, is it?" He hissed, gripping the countertop edge hard enough to turn his knuckles white. The veins in his arms were bulging, his arm flexing.

  
"Fuck if I know! Your speech function has been pretty broken for the past two years!" You mock sung that, glaring at him, your hands balling into fists. It was an inside joke that you both had shared about your fumbling of words at times.

  
"Did you think, maybe, just maybe, I wanted you to shut the fuck up?" His voice carried the venom that had been building up inside you for the last few months and suddenly, you didn't want to do it anymore. You just didn't want to be in the same room as him anymore. This had been going on for what felt like hours now, ever since you had gotten home late from work.

  
Your energy deflated, and you hung your head, determined not to cry in this moment. Not knowing if it was the sadness, or the anger still singing in your veins. You would not show him more weakness. "Fine." The word was whispered, but it had the force of finality. You turned on your heels, walking away from it all, your back held straight, into the bedroom and locked it. You knew he didn't even turn to look back at you.

  
Your heart was still pounding wildly, and you slowly walked over to the bed, laying face down on it. The tears that spilled from your eyes weren't large sobbing tears. They were small and bitter, wetting the bedspread.

When had it become this way, your heart becoming smaller and smaller? When had his love turned into the disgust you had seen just now? You felt angry, sitting up, and staring at your pillows with a look of hatred. You punched it once, the feeling cathartic, and soon you were punching the shit out of it, feathers flying. Huffing and snarling you buried your face in the destroyed pillow and screamed, your throat raw. You didn't care.

  
You didn't care.

Your phone chimed a new message, and you snapped it up, breathing harder.

  
**JackJack:** how's today?

  
Your fingers were typing before you thought about it: " _leave me alone today._ " You sent it, screaming again in the pillow when the message chimed again.

  
**JackJack:** What happened?

  
" _JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FUCK_!" Your fingers flew over the keyboard, and you chucked the phone across the bed, anger sliding through your veins. Before it hit the floor, the message went off again.

  
You leaned over the bed, ready to fight with someone who wouldn't fight back...

  
**JackJack:** I'm just worried about you...

  
You rolled your eyes. " _So what? Stop worrying about me! I dont need you_!"

  
You didn't expect a response, but one came with the speed you expected of his mouth.

  
**JackJack:** Then whythe fuck do you call me? Why the fuck do you message me?! The fuck you tell me all this shit?!

  
You snarled, your fingers so fast you didn’t bother fixing the typos: " _just shut up! I dont need you, you told me.to tell you_!"

  
**JackJack:** BECAUSE YOU WERE FUCKING USELESS BY YOURSELF!

  
You angrily sobbed, the wrecking sob coming finally and you turned your phone off, unlocking the pain in your chest.

 

  
Your eyes hurt when you opened them again. Your chest hurt, everything hurt. Your throat was dry, but you couldn't summon the energy to get up.

  
God dammit...how stupid could you be? You could barely remember what you said to Jack, but you knew it hadn’t been good. Not good at controlling anger, you lashed out at the people near you, and they retreated. You never meant it, but it was a flaw of yours.

  
Fresh tears swam in your eyes, even if you thought you'd cried them all last night. You rose from the bed slowly, your vision swimming. You stepped into the adjacent bathroom, hearing Mark’s light snoring. You wondered whether he'd fallen asleep easy or if had it been hard for him, too.

  
God, how were you ever going to talk to Jack again? You hung your head, rubbing your eyes. If he was smart he'd stay far, far away from your crazy ass. You didn't know what you were going to do without him to talk to. Mark wasn't going to last much longer, you knew. You had to start looking around for places to live and then talk to him... your head swam again.

 

Shower. Shower first. Showers fix everything.

 

 

No messages came from Jack for two days. You had been checking constantly for the first day and then forced yourself to do something else for the next day. You didn't feel like you had the right to say anything to him, but you were sorry. And so terrified that he wouldn't answer, or would say that he didn't want to speak to you.

  
Mark wasn't talking to you, yet he didn't look angry anymore, just tired. You both looked tired, the days dragging on. Your response was to bury further in yourself, and by the third day, your mind was numb.

**JackJack:** I'm sorry.

  
The words were there, but you didn't understand them. They were English, but they didn't make sense. Why the hell was he saying sorry?

  
You tentatively typed him back: " _why are you saying sorry...I should be_."

  
**JackJack:** Because I reacted when you were already having a bad day. I...like when you tell me things that are going around and I know you get upset and go off like a bomb. That's what I meant by useless, my word choice was shite.

  
Your shoulders relaxed, and your lip trembled. What the fuck did you do to deserve Jack? " _No, I should be the one to apologize, I lashed out at you when you wanted to help, and ...I do need you. I've been completely lost these few days..."_

  
You curled up on the couch, staring at the dots bouncing in Skype Messenger.

  
**JackJack:** How about we promise to try not to do that again and move on?

  
You smiled, nodded and then typed to him, " _i hereby promise_."

  
**JackJack:** I promise too :)

  
Dammit, he was a godsend...

  
**JackJack:** Do you want the (hopefully) good news, or tell me what the fuck happened first?

  
You thought a moment, then typed, " _i'll tell you the bad so the good will remain_."

  
**JackJack:** Alrighty then.

  
You didn't hesitate this time. " _i asked Mark what time he wanted to go to the work party with me. He was already, apparently, in a bad mood. I have to say i wasn't any better. I asked again when he didn't say anything, and he snapped something, i don't even remember what he said now, but I got mad. He got mad. I used something as a insult, that used to be a joke and he told me he wanted me to shut up_."

  
You sent it and then typed more: " _we were both wrong, but everything had been building up to that and i was just wanting to hurt someone..._ "

  
A few minutes later Jack responded, his answer lengthy.

  
**JackJack:** Well that sucks. Are you sure you still want to be with him? It sounds like you've both reached the point of no return. It doesn't seem helpful. I don't like the both of you doing this, you keep hurting each other.

  
You knew it, but you still loved him. Maybe not as much as you had before, but the familiarity of day-to-day life was comforting. Did you really want to throw away four years of a relationship? " _I don't know Jack, i have to really think_."

**JackJack:** It just sucks to see you both fumbling around in the dark...

You sighed, laying back on the bed. " _i know. It sucks on this end too. I just can't get him to talk about it_."

**JackJack:** alright! Do you want to know the good news?

  
You smiled, knowing he was trying to take your mind off it. " _Sure_."

  
**JackJack:** the show wants me to record another video with Wade. So i'll be down for two days again :D

  
Your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest. Jack. Jack was coming back over. Jack was coming back over! " _Sweet! When_?"

  
**JackJack:** the end of the month so like two weeks. They aren't very good at planning ahead of time apparently.

  
You nearly vibrated with excitement. Jack was coming back! You held the phone close to your chest, squeezing it. " _Not really. Where you going to stay_?"

  
**JackJack:** this time they're putting me in a hotel for the "inconvenience".

  
You pouted a little, but figured you could easily visit him. " _Thats awesome, i can't wait to see you again, and this is so good for Wade too_!"

  
**JackJack:** Hell yah! Oh you know that game I showed you?

  
The afternoon dissolved into game talk, ending the night in a race to see who could get the higher level in said game. You felt better than you had in days, the addiction for Jack rising and rising, even if the poor boy did nothing to fuel it except be himself.


	12. Hotel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you guys might really like this chapter! >:)

 

 

You hesitated to knock on the door, feeling a little weird to be here without Mark. But Jack had flown in while you were at work, and he asked if you were going to visit. You swallowed hard. You were still in your work attire, since you’d come straight from the office. You picked at your shirt, pretty sure you looked ridiculous.

  
You shook your head. You weren't here for that. He knew you were coming from work, and you really wanted to see him...

  
So you knocked. Once. Twice. Three times.

  
He didn't answer.

  
You frowned, you told him what time you were going to be over. Once more you knocked, your frown deepening when still no answer came. Where was he? He hadn’t sent you a message since you left...or had he? You checked your phone, ducking your head down for a moment.

  
The door popped open and Jack stuck his head out, a relieved look on his face when he finally saw you.

  
"Hey, lass! Sorry, overslept, taking a shower, thought I heard someone knocking..." He waved you in, still standing behind the door.

  
"You okay, you-" Your breath stopped in your throat.

  
He only had a towel on.

  
Slung low on his waist, the towel’s deep cerulean blue matched his eyes. But you weren't focused on that. Your attention was instead drawn to the thin trail of dark hair leading below the towel.

  
He raised an eyebrow. "What? I told you I had to take a shower."

  
You watched a bead of water snake its way down his chest, the skin there still reddened from the hot water. Your throat was suddenly dry. You wanted to lick that water.

  
Shaking your head violently, you squeaked out, "I know! Just didn't expect only a towel..." Trailing off, you waved your hand, making an effort to focus intently on the TV blaring the news.

  
Laughter was your answer, and he wiggled his eyebrows. "You wanna know what I got under mah towel?" His grin when you shot a glare in his direction was lecherous again. He winked slowly.

  
Fuck yes.

  
"Get some clothes on, exhibitionist!"

  
He grinned widely, wiggling his butt as he walked back into the steamy bathroom. Not that you were watching it...

  
Snapping forward, you looked around the hotel room. It wasn't quite a hole in the wall. It fit a queen-sized bed, covered with sheets sporting a hideous floral pattern. A dark brown dresser, a nightstand with a phone and a small lamp beside the bed. On the other side of room was the TV on a stand and two large abstract paintings against a pale cream wall.

  
Basically, every hotel room you'd ever been in.

  
You tried to look at anything and everything, trying your hardest not to think about the way he looked. Soon his suitcase came in view, clothes already spilling out of it…

  
...which reminded you he only had a towel on. Now you knew what those guys in porn felt like, the air hot and heavy. You turned to look at the bathroom and realized he hadn't bothered to close the damn door. Nope!

  
You swirled around, heart pounding and staring at the wall. Dammit, Jack! What the hell was he doing in there?

  
You heard the door open wider, and slowly turned back, relieved and disappointed that he had clothes on. But he still looked so good.

  
His loose grey pants and grey sweatshirt fit him well. It was the one you loved, the dark grey with a scooped neckline. It bunched up near his neck and the strings fell almost to his waist. His feet were bare and sans glasses, you figured they would still be foggy. Why were you so interested in what he had on?

  
"I figured we could watch a movie for now. Mark messaged saying he'll probably be late working, so I'll see him tomorrow at the set."

  
Fuck, that meant you had a lot of time with him...

  
Awesome.

  
He padded over to the TV, changing the channel. "I was trying to listen ta the weather, but American news is the same as Irish, talks too much."

  
You smiled. Even though your body was completely attuned to whatever his body was doing, you still enjoyed his company. He skipped a few channels, sighing, and turned it off. "Okay, we're going to watch something on my laptop, this is shite."

  
He flopped over the bed, his body bouncing as you watched, and reached over the side, pulling his laptop up. You stopped to admire both the view and the laptop, a top of the line, sleek black piece of equipment. "I am so jealous of that thing," you murmured, pouting slightly. He gave a low chuckle.

  
"I love it. Finally got tired of my laptop crapping out on me if I booted it up." He sat up, crossed legged on the bed, patting the bedspread beside him. "Sit, we have to go through my expansive list." You rolled your eyes as he winked on the word expansive, but sat beside him.

  
He radiated warmth, your body simultaneously burning and relaxing.

  
"We should probably order food for later. I don't want to go back out, it's still fucking hot."

  
You couldn't help but smile at his accent twisting some of his words. You let him order for the both of you, a large pizza that he scheduled for nine o'clock, having stuffed himself with airline food earlier. "That good?"

  
You nodded, and he flipped to his downloads folder, pulling up the movie subfolder. You could wait four hours to eat, since you had snacked all day in nervousness for this meeting...

  
You barely saw the list of movies he was going through. He did have an impressive...list. You couldn't keep your eyes off his thin fingers, wishing they were somewhere else.

  
...Wow, your mind was gutter glory tonight.

  
"I kinda wanna watch a horror tonight..." he voiced lowly, speed typing that into the search bar. It decreased the amount of movies rapidly, only showing about twenty now.

  
"How about that one?" You shrugged, a smile on your face, pointing to the third one on the list. "Seen it before, but it's pretty good."

  
He met your gaze, his eyes wild and deep blue. "Awesome, I haven't seen it before, just picked it up." He pushed the play button, turned the volume up and dragged the laptop cooler out. He'd introduced you to yours a few years ago.

  
"Are we sitting on the bed?" You wondered, trying not to sound too excited.

 

"Yah, there's not really anywhere else." He turned, fluffing up the pillows and laying back on his side. "Come here so I can fix everything..."

  
You scooted up to him, laying back on the pillow, your head resting on the headboard. You watched him shift things around, staying on top of the blanket like you were. He pulled the laptop up to your knees, fussed with it and frowned.

  
"This isn't going to work..." He took hold of your shirt and physically dragged you closer as you squeaked.

  
He laughed at your reaction, reaching over you to pull the laptop all the way to your chest. "There. Now we can see." He lay down next to you, his body entirely too close. You were inches apart. You felt the fabric of his sweater on your back where your own shirt rode up a bit. The movie was still playing, now in the opening scene. This film was one of your favorites, so you tried to get lost in it, actually waiting for the part-

Jack jumped behind you, squeaking himself. You giggled; that was what you had been waiting for. "Oh. So it's going to be that type of movie..." he said in your ear, sending shockwaves through your nerves.

  
"Yup," you muttered breathlessly.

"What the fuck would she run for?!" Jack half-shouted behind you, and you giggled again. The movie was almost over, and you'd just barely survived it.

  
Jack was an absentminded person. He absentmindedly moved his hands, his energy never wearing out.

  
Somehow, his hand had come to rest on your hip, possibly after a scare. He didn't move it.

  
Your pants weren't that thick and you could feel his heat through it, his fingers spread out, palm close to your ass. His thumb had began to make a repetitive swipe at your belt loop, and then higher. Soon he was running his thumb over the skin at your waist, his chest pressed up against yours and your head on his arm. You don't even know how that had happened. He'd entangled his long legs in yours, your left leg on top of his. Or maybe you did it. You couldn’t remember now.

  
You almost moaned the first time he spoke in your ear, the closeness making you dizzy. Were you the only one affected?

  
"No! You idiot!" he grumbled in your ear again, making you shiver. You smiled despite the heat running through your body. You were glad you had seen this, or you would have no idea what was going on with his running commentary. You supposed he was doing it because you had seen the movie.

  
The sudden death on the screen caused a squawk from the man behind you, indigent, flustered, flailing as the credits rolled. "What the fuck?!"

 

You giggled, amused at his frustration. "Told you it was good." You smiled at him and he sputtered.

  
"That wasn't good!"

  
You out right laughed then, your entire body shaking as you turned to look at him. Your left leg still trapped under his, you now had your shoulder on his chest. He was red faced, furrowed eyebrows as you continued to laugh. "Not funny!" he protested.

  
You nodded wildly, your laughter only increasing. He glared, pursing his lips and then curling his upper lip. He lunged down, curling your head up in his arm and bit down on your shoulder. It was just enough to slightly hurt and you surged up, your nerves fraying and your mouth dropping open to gasp. You quickly bit your own lip to stop the gasp from turning into a moan. Instead, you grabbed at him, forgetting your hips for a moment, bucking against him.

  
He left go, grinning at you wickedly, thinking it was only shock. Your eyes were half-lidded, your breathing vastly out of control for the moment. You had to restrain yourself from pulling the smirking mouth down to your own.

  
"J-Jack. That hurt, you ass!" you whispered, your voice catching.

  
He just smiled wider. "I know, I meant it, too."

  
You swatted at him, but he easily dodged it. He took his eyes off you for a moment, reaching over to the computer. "We have to watch the second one now!"

  
You turned back over, trying to avoid contact with his body, your leg was enough - nope.

  
Jack situated himself right back where he was, maybe even closer. You wanted to lean back, capture those lips, or maybe even rub back on him. Thank God you had seen this movie, too...

"That was even stupider!" Jack pouted, glaring at you again.

  
"Why are you mad at me?!" you sputtered, your mind having since left after Jack's hand somehow made it's way fully into your shirt. Maybe he was used to this position with his ex-girlfriend?

  
"I'm not." He still pouted. "I'm upset with the movie!"

  
You shook your head at him, sitting up a little bit at the elbow. Your body mourned the loss, but you needed some distance.

  
"At what part?" you questioned him, much closer to his face than you thought you would be, watching his lips move.

  
"The entire thing! Like why would she let herself be dragged away? By the hair, even! That's what killed her!"

  
You snorted at him, rolling your eyes. "Getting dragged around by your hair is hard to get out of, Jack."

  
He shook his head back and forth. "Nahuh!"

  
You knew he was playing now, but wanted to prove a point. So you grabbed the longer hair on the top of his head, pulling with enough force to pull his head back. "See?"

  
He moaned.

  
His mouth hanging open, eyes slid shut, neck arching.

  
You were stunned into silence, you own mouth falling open, and fuck if you couldn't help your hand flexing, pulling harder. Jack squeezed his eyes shut harder, the tendons in his neck standing out now. Shit, you wanted to bite them. Looking the way he did now, a dark thought passed through your mind. He wouldn't mind right now...

  
You were leaning down to do just that, your brain gone with that sound in the air…

  
_Knock! Knock!_

  
You jumped back, releasing his hair, and his eyes snapped back open.

  
For a moment, you both sat there, breathing hard. Jack wasn't looking at you, instead staring at the bedspread before you. Wow, you went too far...

  
"Can...can you get the door?" he whispered, still not looking into your eyes. You swallowed, nodding, and moved to get up before he put his hand on your hip. "Not mad,” he said, “just can't walk. Don't...don't ask."

  
You nodded again, slipping away from him, and bit your lip before opening the door.

  
Food was here.

  
You almost beat the poor pizza guy.


	13. Part One:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MIGHT be mean. (I also have anoth up, but it's fuck plot, write smut type).

 

 

It had been two months since the incident with Jack.

  
If this had been a normal relationship with Mark, you would have already told him about what happened with Jack. If this had been a normal relationship with Mark, your relationship with Jack wouldn't have gotten anywhere near this. You would be happily snuggled in your bed with Mark, still sleeping on a Saturday. In a way, you still mourned the lazy days, but it was like the faraway memories of a child now. Your heart didn't quite hurt anymore; it was more of a dull ache. You wanted to know. You wanted to know what went so drastically wrong.

  
At first, you avoided it, avoiding his eyes as he did the same, hiding from him. You'd kept to your room. It became your prison, though Jack tried to coax you out of it. You didn't speak of what happened, both agreeing silently to not talk about it. But it was present in everything you did, the way you spoke to him, the way you Skyped him. Jack's voice sent your heart pounding, your mind recalling the way it sounded in a moan. The way his face looked made you want to see it below you.

  
Last night was actually the catalyst to what you were about to do now. Standing in the dark hallway, holding your breath.

  
The conversation had taken a turn when you had chosen to wear a low cut shirt, bracing your arm under you. You were seducing him. You knew it, the strain in his voice. There was a pair of breasts in front of him, what else was he supposed to do?

  
Goddamn it, you felt dirty. You were dragging him down a path with you, dragging him through the mud. If Mark found out, would he hate Jack? Even if there was nothing left between you? You couldn't keep doing this, stretching the bonds between everyone. You needed to face him. You had run away long enough...

  
You took a deep breath, stepping out of the shadows, knowing he was in the kitchen making his dinner. You watched him for a bit, trying for the last time to find the emotions for him.

  
Nothing.

  
The time had come.

  
"Mark," you whispered, and he jumped, whirling around to look at you. A surprised look arose on his face, but you didn't back down. "We need to talk." He stood there for a moment, a loaf of bread in his hand, and then he nodded, setting it down.

  
"We should."

  
You motioned him into the living room, working your way through the dark room and sitting in the left side of the couch. For a brief moment, you considered turning on the lights, but decided this conversation might be better in the dark. Mark followed along, taking the right side, his face shadowed by the glaring light in the kitchen.

  
"We...need to break up." There was no visible reaction, but then he was nodding, hanging his head low.

  
"I know." It was a whisper, deep with emotion you hadn't heard in years. "I'm sorry."

  
You held your hands together in front of you, squeezing them. "Mark...I need to know what happened. Two years ago...we were happy, right?" You tried desperately to keep the fear out of your voice. Did you really want to know?

  
"Yes," was his simple answer, yet you knew he wasn't done, the way he caught his head in his hands. "Do you really want to know?"

  
You sighed, tapping your foot on the hardwood. But you knew. You knew if you didn't find out from the source you would never be able to put it to rest.

  
"No, but...if I don't know, I'll never be able to leave it alone." He nodded, taking a deep breath, "so tell me."

  
Mark leaned back on the couch, the top half of his face in the light. "I... met someone. I don't know how else to say it."

  
It felt like a stab in your chest, straight through your heart and out of your back. "Met someone? How? When? What...?" You stopped yourself, swallowing hard, your nails digging into your skin.

  
"At Pax Con...two years ago." He pulled an arm over his eyes, so you couldn't read his expression.

  
You started to shake a bit, "Did...did you cheat on me, Mark?"

  
He surged up. You could feel him shaking his head violently, despite the full darkness. "No!" He once again held his hands in his hands. "I was happy with you. And I liked being with you. I thought I'd finally found the love I wanted. You were great."

  
Were...?

  
"And then I met her. She wasn't much, but I kept talking to her, until...I was comparing you with her. Skyping her..."

  
You sniffled, not realizing the tears were running down your cheeks. When he reached over, you pulled away, shaking your head. "Mark...when you'd be in that room for hours, did you Skype her?" Mark's mouth was in the light and you had your answer when his lips set in a grim line.

"Oh." Your voice was quiet and you closed your eyes tightly. "Continue."

  
"I don't want to hurt you," he said just as quietly, retreating.

  
"It's too late for that."

  
His head returned to his hands and he continued, a morose tone to his voice. "Yes. It was so addicting. She is a Youtuber, too. It was easier to talk to her about youtube troubles."

  
You held back a sob, oddly proud of yourself for not swinging at him. You had always asked how you could help, even trying to start a channel to understand him better.

  
"It got to be more and more before I was calling her, ducking around to speak to her. I would feel so guilty when you asked about me pulling away and I would try to forget. I would try to pull it back together. But it was always too late. I would get mad at you for stupid shit. Finding anything to get angry at, not realizing I was just not in it." His posture was deflating, you watched as his spine curved in on itself.

  
You said nothing.

  
"It got to the point I felt dirty every time I kissed you. I was a fraud. I was keeping you from finding someone else because you were safe. You were what I thought I wanted. Until I started to turn that anger at you. Until I didn't want to see you." He shook his head. "I still loved you, still love you, but I couldn't stand to be in the room with my shame."

  
The sob came out then, but you bit it back as he flinched. You wanted him to continue, even if it hurt so fucking bad.

  
"I called her a lot, mostly after I thought you had been asleep." He shook his head again. "When I went back to Pax, she was there and she ran up to give me a hug, and it felt right. I felt happy. But I never touched her like I touched you. I don't even know if she knows how I feel." He rocked back and forth as you sat stock still. It seemed as if he needed to spill all of this out.

"She came to see me about half a year ago..."

  
You tuned out of the rest of what he said momentarily, remembering something Jack had said: " _He went out, didn't he tell you_?"

  
You hiccupped back into reality. "Did you go to her when Jack was over?" You stared at him, hoping in a way it wasn't going to be true.

  
But you knew.

  
"Yes."

  
He said it so quietly for a moment that you still had hope, but your ears couldn't deny your brain what it heard. At least, now you knew where he had gone those nights.

  
"Oh." It came out kind of strangled, and you took a deep, shaky breath. He lay back on the couch again, but you couldn't look at him anymore. "Anything else?" You held your breath. You had enough info to fill in the details for yourself.

  
"I was going to confront you. Eventually, the time just never seemed right. A friend of mine thought we were stumbling around in the dark." You nodded briefly, your mind a whirl of emotions. Then it hit you.

  
Stumbling around in the dark.

  
"I hate to see my friends stumbling around in the dark."

  
You shook, your heart pounding.

  
Jack.

  
_Jack._

  
Jack **knew**.

  
You felt your heart shatter then, like nothing before it, splattering on the ground and reforming into a hard ball.

  
Jack.

  
You got up then, ignoring Mark's surprised noise, and slowly walked to the bedroom, your mind numbed over.

  
Jack...why?


	14. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL RIGHT I'M EASILY GUILT TRIPPED! *this is the last chapter I have edited, so the wait after this is going to be fun!

 

 

You sat in the dark apartment, staring ahead at the blank wall in front of you. Your fingers twirled around an empty cup, the final light fading from the sky. You hadn't put anything up on the walls yet, still too numb to do anything but go to work, come home, go to work, come home.

  
What you did at home, you'd never remember.

  
You didn't know what hurt more: Mark's better woman, or Jack's betrayal. Even if you, in your own way, fucked Mark over, it still hurt. You ended up telling him all that happened. While he looked hurt, devastated even, he agreed he'd driven you to it. You told him to not hate Jack, even though you didn't know if you could ever forgive him yourself.

  
He'd nodded, swallowing hard, and offering his arms out for a hug. You let him, barely circling your arms around him. While you didn't hate him, you couldn't deny you'd be furious at him for a long while. He'd helped you move, an option you had both cried over, as evidenced by the redness in his eyes. It was his atonement, he said. And it made the move only take two short days. Thankfully, you had done what you thought you should, and researched places before talking to him. While you didn't outright tell him, he was impressed with your skills. Once your car was packed for the final time, you nodded at him, slipping into the driver's seat. You couldn't help but cry as you, alone, left the house you had made a home in for two years.

  
The tears blurred the road enough for you to have to pull over twice on your way to the apartment. Once there, you didn't bother to unload the car, instead dropping your body onto the bed. Your first night was tumultuous, filled with horrible images and thoughts, tears running hot down your cheeks.

  
After that, you had just been growing steadily numb, tunnel vision kicking in.

  
So now, two months later, you weren't surprised when you couldn't remember what you did yesterday. You were still tired after a nap, so you wanted to sleep after this cup of tea, getting lost in thought until the last sip was cold.

  
You hadn't spoken to Jack the entire time, ignoring his calls, his messages. You didn't even read them, just deleting them without reading. You knew you felt bad, somewhere inside you, but everything felt far away. You couldn't bring yourself to send him to the blocked call list. Refusing to watch his videos…

  
You shivered from how low you had the air conditioning, the tank and shorts you were wearing not much shelter.

  
The sun finally set, night pulling itself in tightly. A glance at the clock told you it was eight o'clock. Too early to go to sleep, but you didn't care. Lifting up from the table, you almost dropped the cup when a knock sounded from your front door.

  
You took a deep breath, shaking your head and heading over to the door. Weaving your way through still unpacked boxes, you turned on the hall light to see. When you got to the door, someone knocked again, and you opened it. "Yes, what-"

  
_Jack._

  
Emotions flashed through your mind at a speed too fast for you to process. He looked good, he was here, why was he here, fuck he was here, hurt.

  
Your voice stopped in your throat. You pushed yourself backwards, your hand on the door. You shoved it forward, sure if you closed it back you could unsee what was on your doorstep.

  
His hand shot out, slapping the door, and his foot slid between the door and the frame. As he was stronger than you, the door opened wider and Jack slid inside the hallway, out of breath from the struggle. He lay against the door, panting slightly.

  
"Fucking hell!" you half screamed, whirling around to march back into the apartment. You had told Mark not to tell Jack where you were. "Can't do anything right-"

  
You felt arms wrap around your own and across your chest, pulling you back. The soft cotton of his black shirt rubbed along the stretch of your bare shoulders. You flailed, unwilling as he pulled you close, the smell of him still managing to make you weak.

  
"Jack, stop! I don't want-" You were cut off by him squeezing you tightly, his breath in your ear.

  
"I'm so fucking sorry." His voice was hoarse, like he hadn't used it in weeks. "I'm so fucking sorry." He whispered now, his arms tightening more. You desperately tried not to melt into his arms, trying to stand firm.

  
"Jack, I don't-"

  
"Please let me explain. Please, I'll go if you want me to, but please."

  
You shut your eyes tightly, wanting to refuse him so badly.

You knew you couldn't.

  
"Fine." You stressed the word. “But you have to go right after." He released you, and you stomped over to the kitchen, trying to find something neutral. You would forever deny that you felt like you could breathe again. You sat on the other side of the table, staring at him as he sat down.

  
He fiddled with his bracelets as he started to speak, his head level. "I'm sorry. Mark told me a lot from the start. I didn't realize he was ignoring you. Not at first." He swallowed hard, his breath hitching. "I swear, I only knew when you started to tell me. But just like with you, I swore that whatever little bits he told me I would keep a secret." He hung his head now. "What was I supposed to do? My best friend and his girlfriend, my other best friend, both telling me to keep my mouth shut and I wouldn't be able to pick a side..."

  
You felt a large heaping of guilt. You had sworn him into secrecy yourself. His black shirt was sticking to him from sweat, but whether from the outside or from stress, you didn't know.

  
"I didn't know what to do when I pieced together the information. All I could do was try and support both of you. But clearly, I did a shitty job of that..." he whispered the last sentence, his head on his arms now. "If I told you, he would hate me, and you wouldn't understand coming from me. If I told him, he would retreat from me and further from you."

  
For a few moments, silence reigned, and you thought he was done.

  
"I'm sorry. I know saying it won't help, but I am. I tried to tell him he should tell you. I tried to drop hints..." He shuddered, and your heart broke again. What a position had you put him in. "I just wanted everything to be okay." You heard his voice crack, and you knew he was crying, the shaking of his shoulders another sign.

  
You watched him for a moment as he shook, trying to form the right words in your brain. Yes, you were still mad, but you were mad at everything. Did you have a right to be mad at him, for trying to do his best? For a situation you helped put him in? Could you remain mad at the man in front of you? You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

  
"I'm sorry, too," you whispered to him, laying your head on your arms like him. He looked up over his arm, blue eyes swimming.

  
"W-what?"

  
You reached out, brushing his green hair from his head. It was still as soft as usual, the skin you got to touch even softer.

  
"I put you in a bad spot. Mark put you in a bad spot. I was so...mad at you." It felt like the bubble had burst, the shield you’d put around yourself, and your own eyes filled with tears once more. "It hurt to think you'd keep it quiet when it hurt so much."

  
Jack grabbed the hand that tucked his hair and you let him keep it.

  
"You were always a friend, trying to help," you sobbed, and fresh tears tracked down his cheeks in response. "I missed you, Jack. I missed you like a part of me." Jack squeezed your hand tightly, his voice breathless when he could finally use it.

  
"I know that feeling."

 

 

A few hours later, you were wrapped up in his arms, the sheets of the a bit scratchier than the other one, but they would do. He'd placed his leg in between yours, clutching you tightly to him. You hadn't even asked; after another quick cup of tea, you’d dragged him into the room. His face was surprised when you pushed him down on the bed, snuggling in right next to him.

  
He'd flown in an overnight flight, and you were still exhausted. It made sense to touch the skin of the person that felt like knew you the most. He offered no resistance, instead tucking his head on top of yours, his fingers flexing on you. You burrowed deeper, pressing into his chest as he contentedly sighed.

  
"I missed you," you murmured into his chest, your lips brushing the V-neck of his shirt and onto his skin.

  
"I missed you too,” he whispered, tucking his chin into your hair.


	15. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, running a poll here for an epilogue and or a rewrite with Jack's pov. If this doesn't work here, please vote in comments! 
> 
> http://goo.gl/rj9dHy

 

 

Jack was still in your bed the next morning, trying to be quiet while playing a game on his phone.

He was failing.

The tiniest of sounds woke you up; the way his elbow was jabbing into your side didn’t help. You peeked up at him from your lashes, a small smile playing your lips. Why was he so cute? Did he not realize the light from the phone was glaring?

He quietly groaned when he died and put the phone down while you giggled. He started, staring down at you, and then grinned. "Ah woke you up, didn't I?"

You just smiled at him, taking a calculated risk and cuddling closer to his side. He let you, even pulling you up so your head lay on his shoulder. You just lay there, soaking in the warmth and comfort, the sun trying to peer through the heavy curtains.

You had to hand it to Mark, blackout curtains were a nice thing. Jack lay his head on yours, his hand wandering the bedspread, finally settling on your hip. You sat there for a moment and Jack took a deep breath.

 

"I have a confession."

You blinked rapidly, all at once afraid and interested. Trying to look up at him failed as he kept his head on yours.

"I've been debating if I should ever tell you any of this, because it might just hurt and help no one."

You braced yourself, wishing he hadn't opened his mouth. It took a few seconds, but once he began you knew he wouldn't stop.

"I-I've always thought of you."

You made a noise of confusion and Jack sighed. "When we first met, I couldn't get you out of my mind. I think I talked Mark into dating you...just so I could get you off limits completely. He was waffling back and forth, and I wanted you untouchable." His voice was soft, and your eyes were wide. "It didn't work, though. You still stayed in my mind. It must have driven everyone crazy. My ex actually thought I was cheating with you. I asked her how the hell I could, and suddenly I was single."

You were mesmerized by his words. Was he actually saying them?

"I... realized I was in love with you when you came to visit me in hospital with Mark. You looked so concerned...I was hooked. I couldn't stay away. But I had to deal with being just the best friend. Anytime I tried to date, it would always end in me comparing them and eventually it fizzed out. I think they got tired of how much I was dealing with you." He took his hand off your hip to rub in between his eyes and you took that opportunity to get a good look at him.

His cheeks were reddened from embarrassment, and he kept his hand over his face. "I wanted to tell you about Mark, but it wasn't always for just being a friend. I wanted to show you he wasn't treating you right. And I was right." His voice got a tiny bit harder, "I let him take you and look at the bullshit he pulled." Jack shook his head, finally looking at you in the eyes.

"I can be an asshole, too. When I found out about all of this, I wanted to take you for myself. The thought kept creeping in," he muttered, pressing his head back on the pillow. "I realize all this is probably a shock, so I understand if you need time to think about it.

You thought for a moment, and nodded slowly. "I don't hate you, Jack, but I don't know if I'm over everything that's happened..."

What if Jack found someone else...just like Mark?

The thought slithered its way into your head, and you studied his face frantically. His cheeks were still red from embarrassment, deep blue eyes swirling with emotions. His thick eyebrows dropped low; you noticed his scruff was just a little longer than you knew he liked it. Nothing in his face suggested he would, but now as that thought entered, it wouldn't leave.

Jack nodded. "I understand. I’m sorry if it's a bit much right now. But it wasn't something I wanted to say over Skype. That, and I leave later today..." He trailed off after you shot him a glaring look. "What? I didn't want you to deal with me if you still hated me."

You sighed, laying your head back on his chest. "Didn't hate you. Just hurt."

Jack squeezed you, kissing the top of your head. "I'm sorry. How about we promise to not keep things from each other anymore?" He snuggled closer into the bed, and you nodded.

Jack felt the same way as you.

Jack always felt the same way about you.

All the way back then. It lit something in you, something you weren't sure you wanted to look at yet. It excited you in such dark ways...

 

You exited the car, hearing his side shut right after. You had decided to walk to the gate, just to get a few more minutes with him. He looked grateful, smiling at you and reaching over to pull you into a hug. You felt safe again. You accidentally held him too long, making him stumble when he tried to move. "Sorry." You waved him off, but he pulled you back in, holding you tightly enough to steal your breath.

After a moment, he relaxed but didn't let go, instead swaying back and forth again. His hand found its way into your hair, tangling its way through the strands. "I'll miss you," he whispered, and you clung to his shirt, needing to keep this moment in your heart. He still wore the same shirt, same pants; it seemed like he hadn’t bothered bringing anything with him.

"I'll miss you too. Promise to message and Skype?"

You felt him smile into your hair, and you pulled back slightly.

"Always. I promise.”

Your heart was swelling up, a small smile on your face. Then you took his hand from your hip, taking it your own and pulling him along the parking lot. "Come on, before you're late." 

He let you tug him to the same glass door as before, slipping through them and waiting patiently as he checked in.

You watched his back, the way his muscles flexed when he moved, the quick smile when he was finished. As he was walking back up to you, your brain sidetracked. What did you need time to think about? Were you that scared he'd leave? You smiled when he got up to you, and he returned it.

"Security time!" He looked so mockingly excited, you giggled.

"You'll be home in a little bit." Your smile widened and you grabbed his hand.

"But...what if I didn't want to go home?" Jack asked quietly, allowing you to drag him, when he spoke your hand flexed on his.

"You can come back anytime, Jack..." You looked back at him briefly, then turning your attention to where you were dragging him. You reached it all too soon in your opinion, glad no one had recognized him yet.

You stopped right before the line, smiling at him, albeit a little sadly. "I'll see you again soon, Jack?"

He grinned, furiously nodding his head. "Of course!"

You walked in to hug him, but it seemed like he had other plans.

He lifted his arms, and just as you went to wrap your arms around him, guiding his hands to your face.

Tilting your head up, in one smooth motion he pressed his lips to yours, silencing you. A shiver slammed into you, turning your knees into jelly, your mind blanking. When your mouth fell open in surprise, he took advantage, angling his head further and letting his tongue lightly lick across your lips. You moaned slightly, your entire body hot, pressing yourself as close as you could.

With a slight nip from his teeth, he pulled back, a dazed look in his eyes. "I know...you said you needed time to think...but I would never forgive myself if I didn't take the chance when I had it."

You couldn't breathe, much less answer him, and he smiled, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "See you when I get home on Skype?"

You could only nod at him, watching him turn, walking into the security line. He turned back once to see you in the same exact place, smirked slightly, and disappeared.

_Oh, fuck you, Jack..._

 


	16. Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same poll! 
> 
> http://goo.gl/rj9dHy  
> *The next chapter is the end folks!

 

 

You had no idea what to do with yourself. 

The last few weeks had been very...trying.

What you never realized was Jack could be very convincing. He knew what he was doing. And he was good at it. 

His smirk was living in your very dreams right now. 

You'd made one comment about how he looked in black, and suddenly it was all he wore to Skype you. His eyes lighting blue behind his glasses, all that energy focused on you. There were no boundaries now, no holds barred. And suddenly, you were out of your league. 

Why the hell did his exes ever leave him?!

You'd tried to match him by biting your lip. His was perfected, the sweet puppy eyes adding a dose of playfulness to the look. His hands always near his face, his voice deeper at every dirty joke.

"What, you want to ride me?"

And your brain was gone. So you decided on doing something completely insane.

 

You were currently outside his door. Or, at least, what you hoped was his door. It had taken you two weeks to get a passport, another week to get the time off. You wanted to blurt out that you loved him, even though you were sure by now he knew it. If his smile was any indication. If you didn't give it away when you answered his call within seconds. If you didn't give it away by the way you hung on his every word.

You wanted to knock, but what if he was wearing headphones? Or recording? You were a little tired; the flight was even longer than you imagined. How did he manage to just drop everything and visit you? You admired him, but then again, you always had. 

Your hand reached out, but you put it down again.

You were so nervous. You knew he wouldn't change his mind, but would he be weirded out that you were here? 

You held your hand out again and knocked swiftly before you could chicken out. What else were you going to do? Fly back? Go to the hotel you didn't book?

"Hello?" The intercom beside you crackled to life, and for a moment, you stared at it, unsure what the hell to say. You held the button down, your finger first sliding off, then trying again.

"...Hello, Jackaboy..." you half-whispered, and then wondered why the hell you’d just said that. It probably sounded all wrong...

A steady thumping noise was coming closer, but before you could wonder what the hell it was, the door was pulled open. 

A disheveled Jack was standing in the doorway, his eyes fixed on you, and you felt so small in the intensity of his gaze.

 

"You're...you're actually here. What the hell are you doing here!?" 

You blinked rapidly, pulling your hands in front of you and twisting them together. "Um, I wanted to visit, sorry if it's sudden...I'm sorr-" 

You didn't get to finish your sentence as he pulled you into a crushing embrace. His hand slid into your hair like it belonged there, and you supposed it did. His other almost touched his own hip as he pulled you impossibly closer. You'd forgotten if you gasped, but now you wouldn't have the breath to. He was still breathing hard, and you smiled as he finally let go.

"Don't say sorry, I'm so fucking happy you're here." He was beaming, his glasses slightly down his nose and his hair sticking up like crazy. He didn't let you go too far away from him, looking over your shoulder to see the bags you had dragged along with you. "Planning on staying awhile?" he asked. The look in his eyes could only be described as hopeful.

You nodded. "I asked for a week off of work...I thought maybe I could stay with you, if you don't mind?" 

Jack bit his lip, looking you up and down, grabbing your arm he pulled the suitcase in, paying no mind to the carryon you had slung on your back. He then yanked you inside as he closed the door behind you.

"I would love that." Turning, he dropped your suitcase by the door, lifting the bag strap from your shoulders. You shivered when his hands brushed along your sides, and he dropped that next to the suitcase. "Fuck," he whispered looking at you, his hands stalling on your hips. 

"What?" You tilted your head, staring back at him.

"I'm so freakin' happy you’re here, lass." He dropped his head into your neck, wrapping his arms around you. "I can't believe you're actually in my home." You hadn't been here before, but that didn't matter with his hands on you. You buried your face in his shirt, blocking out the world and its worries. 

Jack pulled away a few moments later, still looking at you. "Well, do you want a tour? I'm kinda excited to show you my setup." 

You smiled. He'd upgraded a year before and he was always excited by it. "I would like to see!" 

He smiled, his look so boyish it took your breath away.

He dragged you behind him, pulling you around your suitcases to show you the living room, the door opened into it. He went on about it and you glanced around, but your attention was fully on him. He showed you the dinning room and the kitchen, but all you could see was him. He eased you up the stairs, snickering softly when you tripped. Glaring, you paid a bit more attention. There was a bathroom first, and then he grinned, opening the next door. "My bedroom." He didn't have much there. The room sported a large posted bed, and the blankets looked soft from where you stood. A smaller desk in the corner, a dresser littered with what looked like random accessories, clothes that were scattered about, and a smaller TV. "Sorry about the mess...I got a surprise today." He wrapped his arms around you again, his chin landing on your temple. "A really nice surprise..." 

You smiled, leaning a little back. 

He gently pulled you back, and walked a few feet to open the other door. "And finally, my recording studio." When he opened the door you laughed, realizing this was his sanctuary. Covered in Sam memorabilia, bookshelves upon bookshelves and soundproofing splashed everywhere. You leaned in, giggling at the mattress propped up on the wall, as he slid past you to explain his computer. 

"See, this is the new camera-" 

You cut off listening right about there. You would file away what he said for later use, but he sat in the chair. The same type of chair you had seen him in first, the same chair you had been fantasizing about for almost a year now. 

"-It's got the specs like no one knows, and all the jiggy bits-" 

"I love you." You whispered it, unsure if he'd hear you.

His hand stopped in mid air, about to show you how light it was. You watched him again, watched as he swallowed and let out a long breath. His mouth worked as he stared straight ahead, but nothing came out. He put his hand down and sat there for a moment, and then spun around slowly in the chair, just staring at you. 

You bit your lip, worrying it. "Are you okay?" 

He nodded, his breath hitching a bit. "Yah...I've just wanted to hear that from you for over four years. It's a little overwhelming." He swallowed again, his body going limp in the chair. "Please come here." 

You blinked slowly, placing one foot in front of the other until you stood in front of him. He watched you approach, and when you stood before him, he let out another breath. His arms snapped out, grabbing the sides of your head and pulling you down to his level, pressing his lips to yours. You allowed your knees to go weak this time, slowly resting further on Jack. His lips slanted over yours, and he didn't take it slow this time, prying your lips open with his teeth. 

Fucking hell, he could kiss...

You lost yourself for a long while, letting him explore your mouth until he was satisfied, his breathing just as ragged as yours when he pulled away. 

"Say it again. Please." You looked at him, your forehead on his.

"I love you, Jack." 

His mouth was back on yours.


	17. Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! Thank you all who've been on this ride with me! Remember to vote!

 

"Fuck..."

He trailed off, his eyes focused completely on you, and it was intoxicating.

When he kissed you the second time, you had been weak, your knees like water, breathing heavy. You'd landed somehow in his lap, his hands roaming over your back, down and over your ass to your thighs. You put your forehead on his and breathed out.

He'd whispered, "I can't wait anymore."

Now here you were, with his entire attention on you. It was entrancing as you lifted your shirt over your head inch by inch. You'd pushed him back on his own bed, making him watch as you relieved the surprise you had planned. When your shirt dropped the floor, he groaned, slightly tilting his head back. His eyes lowered and he smirked.

You had gone to the lingerie store just before leaving, the idea hitting you before you could chicken out. You’d searched for this.

"I approve." His eyes roamed over your skin, admiring the dark green lacy bra. You felt exposed with the sheer cups, but the look in his eyes assured you that you'd made the right choice. "Come here."

You shook your head, hooking your thumbs in the loops of your belt, and your shorts hit the floor with a soft thump. Jack's eyes instantly widened and his jaw dropped, a low sound coming from his lip.

You'd gotten the matching panties too. You fiddled a tad bit with the hanging garters, wondering for a moment if you'd ever use them.

Jack's voice interrupted your thoughts. "You came over here to kill me, didn't you?"

You started, looking at him, his legs spread wide, leaning back on his hands. His eyes were scanning you up and down. Everywhere he looked sparked burning hot.

"No," you whispered, slowly walking over to him. He licked his lips as you approached, tilting his head back further. His arms reached out, and his hands found their way around your waist, tumbling you into his lap.

"Well, you fucking are." His voice was rough in your ear, all hope of trying to keep his accent in check gone. Damnit, should you ever tell him it was a turn-on?

He nipped at your ear, making you gasp. His hand slid up your back, while the other slipped under the waistband to knead your ass. He leaned in further to kiss under your ear, licking his way down the tendons of your neck. Your nails dug into the skin on his chest, your hips pushing forward as he broke contact to moan.

"I'm...not going to be able to make this last long. Definitely not with you wearing that..." He bit down on your neck, and you moaned loudly, a tad bit embarrassed at the volume. But he only groaned at the noise. "Okay...maybe you like to be bitten."

You responded by biting him, squarely where his neck met his shoulder.

"Fuck!" he half-shouted, pushing himself back and taking you with him.

His hands on your hips he grinded up to you, his head thrown back as you lifted up, memorized by the heat coursing through you and that face. It was better than your fantasy, all tense and out of breath already. As your skin caught fire, you got bold, rolling your hips down on him and his eyes snapped open.

"Nope. Can't wait." Jack leaned up, jostling you to standing. You almost pouted at the loss of contact before he ripped his shirt off, and you stopped him. He let out a strangled gasp as you traced your hands down his chest, lightly digging your nails in random places. He took a deep breath, his entire body tensed as you reached down, your fingers fumbling with the button on his jeans. Fire was running through your veins, your mind a hazy blur. You finally got it undone, the zipper following suit, and dropped them to the floor. Your fingertips traced him through his boxers and he moaned, his head falling on your shoulder.

  
His breath was fast in your ears, and he thrust slowly into your hand, but before you could explore more his hand were on you. The clasp to your bra was gone within seconds, and you felt the straps loosen as he eased your hand away, slipping it off. You felt shy standing before him as he just stared.

"Shit, you are fucking beautiful." His hands moved up, cupping your breasts his hand, rubbing his thumb along your nipples. It was your head's turn to fall back, small sounds coming from your mouth when he lowered his head to lick one.  
He flexed his hands on your sides, "...I can't. I can't make this all sweet-" He was cut off by you pushing him onto the bed and straddling him again, this time rolling your hips back and forth.

"Fuck!" The word was ripped from his throat, and you dimly wondered if that was the only word he knew anymore. His eyes narrowed and he pushed back up at you, his eyes fixed on the way your breasts moved with each thrust. He moved his hand up, snaking his fingers in your hair to pull you down, the new position causing you to gasp right before his lips found yours. He moaned into the kiss, his tongue licking along your lips, and you let him in immediately. You wanted to be closer, wanted him to inside you, wanted it like the very air he was stealing.

You pulled back, breathless. "Fuck...fuck me, Sean..." His real name slipped from your lips, and his eyes dilated with pleasure, the black of his pupils almost overtaking the blue. His face tensed and his eyes rolled.

"Goddammit, I fucking love it when you say my name..." You were lifted up, and his boxers were thrown somewhere away, even as he pulled the thong from your hips. When you were fully naked, he made a low growling noise, his hand reaching down to cup you. You gasped, grinding against his without shame for a moment, losing yourself. You couldn't help but stare at him. He was impressive: He had a lot to be cocky about. "I want to be inside you. I want to feel you stretching around my dick and screaming my name..." Jack muttered in your ear, his voice sounding strained. Who knew he became so demanding?

He nipped at your skin, groaning when his finger slipped in your wetness, sliding along your clit. When you tensed, pressing your breast against him, he snapped.

Down on the bed you both went, you still on top of him. "Tell me you want me," he moaned, his hands holding your hips in place. You didn't deny him, not now, not ever.

"I want you, Sean, please!" Your last word emphasized by bucking your hips, almost putting him exactly where you wanted him. His fingers tightened almost painfully on your hips, and you whined, which turned into a shriek as in one motion he sank deep inside you.

He didn't leave you time to adjust, instead starting a heavy, hot pace. You already felt the pooling in your body. Your nerves sang for him as your nails found his chest again, digging in for dear life. He was relentless, the sound of your wetness around him echoing in the room. If you had half a mind you'd be embarrassed by it, but right now, the only thing you had to hold on to was him, the way his mouth hung open, the hard arch of his hips, and the grip of his hands. He took control of the motion, tilting your hips in just way he liked it, and as you saw lightning, you knew it would be a favorite of yours.

He hit just the right spot, your hands falling away from him as your entire body tightened.

"Fuck...just like...that," he moaned out, his speed increasing impossibly. "You feel ...so fucking good..." The last word was almost drown out as you gasped, the pleasure exploding sharply, taking both you and him completely by surprise as your body tightened around him, pulsing hard.

"Fuck!" he ground out, his hips stuttering before he let out a sound that would haunt your fantasy until the day you died. You felt warmth deep inside you, and his hand gripped you so hard you knew you'd have bruises. His breathing was erratic, and his chest heaved as you crumbled on top of him, your breathing just as jumbled.

You both lay there for a moment, trying to catch your breath, your fingertips unable to keep still on his skin. He laughed weakly, his hand doing the same on your ass. You made a small noise as he was still inside you.

"I love you," he whispered into your ear, tucking his face into your shoulder again, "I love you so much..."

You knew it. You knew this was what you wanted. How long had it taken you to realize this was what you’d always wanted since you’d first met him?

"I love you, too."


	18. Author's Note -Updates On Jack P.O.V and Epilogue

Well!

 

The first chapter for the Jack's P.O.V is up!

 

It's called, "Just Trying To Stay Away."

 

Ignore the summary, it's shit... I will fix it later when I've had a bit more sleep!

 

The epilogue for this story will be posted soon, after this chapter on this story to avoid confusion for people who have not read this story before hand. 

 

I hope you enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hoped you like it, the chapters are going to be a little longer as they go. If you find any mistakes or have any questions, please feel free to leave a comment! :D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Blueberries Over Honey](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10169585) by [DittoKiddo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DittoKiddo/pseuds/DittoKiddo)




End file.
